I'm sorry, but can you please not say that?

"I see the destruction those lifestyles lead to, and my heart breaks for them."

This isn't the first time I have heard or read that sentiment about someone being gay. I'm sorry, but since when did having a whole and full life and being gay become mutually exclusive? Some people of religious faith say these things all the time when this subject comes up.....'you wouldn't be living life to the fullest and living the life God would want you to lead.' This is absurd to me. This is something that has been said to me, and I would like to take a minute to kindly educate you that people who say this should probably STFU (what's the nicest way to say that?)

Correct me if i'm wrong, but I would say the type of lifestyles that lead to what I would believe to be destruction would be one of a drug addict, someone who can't forgive or let go of the past, people struggling from other addictions and anger management problems. It could just be me (which maybe it is) but I don't see why people still feel the need to put energy into arguing or try to change people from the gay "destructive lifestyle" when there are people that are going through actual life threatening/altering situations.

Is my lifestyle and who I am attracted to really that much of a destruction? Is the fact that I treat people equally and give love and compassion as much as I can that much of a detriment to society and myself? Does it hinder your own livelihood that I work hard at my job, try to further my career and grow my friendships? Does it make the other religious folk feel uncomfortable or frightened if I am someone who seeks to follow after the Lord, basks in all His love, shares it as much as I can and be gay?

Please don't let your heart break for me, and if it does I will pick it up and mend it back together with the love that Jesus has for both of us. If your heart breaks, let it break for the orphans, the homeless, the addicts, the unloved, the depressed, not the one's who just so happen to not be attracted to the gender that you deem appropriate.

You know what, I am going to live my life to the fullest. I am going to travel. I am going to be successful in my career. I am going to be happy. I am going to have great friends. I am going to serve the less fortunate. I am going to show love. I am going to receive love. And I don't ever for a second want anyone to think that I can't have a lifestyle worth being proud of. I know that some people may think that I am less of because I don't dream to walk down the aisle to Mr...whoever, but your opinion should no longer shape the way I or other people view themselves.

And as a not so side note, it is completely normal that everyone is always congratulating these unmarried 19 year olds getting pregnant but 2 girlfriends that have been dating for years get married and don't get the same amount of congratulations? These are actual things that I am currently seeing on my Facebook timeline. The same people that 'like' the posts that abhor homosexuality are also seen 'liking' the picture of a barely grown kid's pregnant stomach...all while they either have a kid that does drugs, smokes weed, or has premarital sex or does it themself. I'm not about pointing fingers and you can do whatever with your own life that you want, but when people make outrageous double standards, as you might can tell, it just gets under my skin.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts of the week. I know we might not agree, but hopefully it stretched your minds a little bit if not.

And It'll Change Your Life.

Recently I was asked why I went to church. At first thought, I didn't really know how to respond. After growing up in the church, it seemed like an obvious answer to me....why does anyone go to church? But then I realized that's what fosters a false image of the church to begin with, when people make assumptions and judgements about a church. Assuming an obvious answer is a detriment to everyone at this point, I think. It causes not only people to make generalizations but makes me latch on to other people's reasons behind going to church instead of making it personal and coming up with my own answer. My first reaction was, to learn about and worship God, of course. ...but like I said, that is such the obvious and churchy answer. It got me thinking, why DO I go to church? This question was asked in a discussion about religion and why it is needed, or important, and how there can be substitutes for church, but after some thinking, I'd like to share why for me, there can't be and it is an inelastic good I can't live without. 

After standing there a second, all that came to my mind was love. I know it sounds selfish of me, but the amount of love I feel when I go to church....and really Mosaic most specifically, honestly, is where I feel most loved. It is impossible for me to go into Mosaic with a bad attitude and keep it the whole time. You go there and are reminded time and time again after song, after someone comes up to talk, in the message, in another song, God cares about and loves us. 

I've written before about Mosaic's music, but this blog post wouldn't be complete if I didn't at least mention it. I could go one Sunday and sing worship songs for an hour and be perfectly content with life. I believe we were created to be loved, I think that is the reason God made us and why that is when i feel most whole; but I also believe we were made to worship God, and so when i'm doing that, nothing else really matters. Anything else that is going on in the world around me suddenly stops, it's like God puts the world on hold just for the small amount of time i'm wrapped up in music and singing and I could stay there forever. 

I go to Mosaic to learn, to be a better person, to grow my relationship not only with God but how I relate to other people. It seems like every new series we do is my new favorite. Right now we are doing a series on happiness called life in color, and I could swear its been my favorite and so great so far....but right before this series we did another one called Free...learning to free not only ourselves but other people. That was also my favorite and I never wanted it to end. I have some sermon notes that I was going to share with you, but then I would just want to share every single sermon and this would turn into a novel and then...well, I feel ya. I'll just instead say that these are powerful messages and lessons to learn. In the conversation that spurred this blog, it was mentioned...'if church is a place where you learn about the bible, why can't i just do that on my own and from the comfort of my room, why do i have to have someone preaching to me how to live my life.' And that is a valid point, but these messages and services...it is so much more than what I could take out of it by myself. (And also I am a terrible Christian in that I don't read my bible...which i know i should change, but that'll be a lesson for another day) This week we focused on openness, last week was idealism and before that craziness. I'm not at the point where I can motivate and preach to myself these things, and to be honest, when someone thinks they are, they need to go back to Corinthians or whichever books of the bible where the first churches were being formed and realize that is why we have pastors and churches in the first place. But I digress. 

Not to sound too religiousy, but going to this place, it changes people's lives. A couple weeks ago when I was at a Midweek, the speaker asked who had found freedom in this place? Noise soon followed, then varying levels of cheers when he kept going: healing, God, happiness...(and i'm sure some other words that I have since forgotten) As I was sitting there with these words being said and people's reaction to them, it is no secret that special things happen in this place. One Sunday (or Wednesday) when they were doing baptisms, a girl was speaking about her experience...how she had said she was never going to get baptized and how silly people look for it. Then she started going to Mosaic...and I love the quote she said, "The broken pieces in my life began to heal." As much as I try to put it into words, express how great a love there is...I just can't do it justice. There is no way to try to talk someone into understanding a feeling that they didn't even know they could feel. 

I know churches and being religious and believing in God might sound like a mildly terrifying thing to a good amount of people I now surround myself with...especially being in LA...so I try to walk this line with as much grace as i can, but at the same time, I ache for every single person in this city to feel the same way I do when i'm at Mosaic. I want everyone to feel as whole, as loved, as free, as cared for, as happy as I am. It makes me sad that other churches or religious people or institutions or a political party, or whatever, has turned so many people away from the church, because I think there is a whole new church growing up and breaking the stereotypes set by previous generations and I think the world is ready for it. I also think that some of us believers are sometimes even hesitant and resistant to even say we are so because we are still afraid of how people might judge us based on what the church has created for itself until this point...what has given it such a bad wrap with so many people. But what if this new church, this other group of believers weren't afraid to speak up, weren't afraid to take ownership of their faith and put a new face to Christianity......Christ. Not a pew full of judgmental people. Not people who care more about laws and sins and people's pasts or how much money they have and what economic status they are in and what they look like and who they love. No. It should be about the only thing that ever mattered, love. Mosaic recently added a new 5th service time on Sundays. The Wednesday that followed, someone mentioned that made Mosaic’s count that Sunday 3200. It is growing more and more every Sunday and that is all the reason. Mosaic is ready to step up to be this Church that the world is looking for, that the world needs. It is a place with a little more love, and a little more compassion, and I think the world is starting to notice. And I think it’s time for me to start getting more involved, cause I am ready…...or as we at Mosaic like to say, I’m all in. 

The Fosters

So I have kinda gotten into a new ABC Family tv show recently entitled The Fosters. I’m sure none of the people that read this watch it, but it is actually pretty good. I was watching the season finale last night and thinking how appreciative I am of this show. Let me explain. 

So the show is about a family, half made up of foster kids, half adopted kids, and one biological son. One parent is a cop, another a school vice principle I believe. It follows the lives of all the kids and the parents and the trouble the kids get into and the dynamic  of the foster kids entering this house and the family having to deal not only with that but just everyday happenings of life and teenagers. I was a little concerned and nervous to watch it at first, because the two parents I have mentioned are both female. I didn’t want this show to end up being the next glee, in that they start to sound all preachy and every episode has to have some sort of social issue and PSA involved. TV shows can be so political sometimes, and while it isn’t a terrible thing to sometimes touch on these topics, sometimes it can be a little much. 

I know for a good amount of this country still, they don’t see this as a normal family. Or don’t accept it or would kinda turn the other way. I know this isn’t the first time TV shows have shown a family with a gay couple, but it is the first of its kind and it has changed my thoughts about my own future. I know there are shows out there like Modern Family and that is greatly successful and sure there are gay characters on shows more often, but this is the first time there has been a show strictly centering around one family that is lead by a gay couple. Think of all the shows that are centered around a certain family, from even the beginning of tv and movies...I Love Lucy, The Cosby Show, Everybody Loves Raymond, The King of Queens, The Middle, you get the point. All about just normal families and everyday life. The thing I love about this show, is that it shows the same thing. There is no difference. We are all just one family. Two people just doing the best they can to raise their kids in a loving, caring household. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times when politics gets thrown in your face a little bit, but as the deal with life in general. The reason this show has impacted me is because it has shown life with such normalness (which I will now call a word.) When you hear for so long that gay people shouldn’t be able to get married and have kids, maybe sometimes you just believe them and lose the will to even think otherwise anymore. For the past little while, I would say that I’m never getting married and I would probably never have kids either. It all just seemed like such a foreign concept to me. No one would ever approve. Everyone would look at me weird. My family would judge me. Society would judge me. If I ever had kids, what emotional scarring would I alreadyyyyy inflict on a child by me, being gay, being their mom. I just can’t deal with that type of pressure. The thing about this show though, is that it is so normal. They are just like every other family. They love their kids and their kids love them. These kids needed a loving home and with the Fosters, they got one. 

In last nights episode, the 2 moms got married. I felt I was watching what would be my emotions in the character of Steph. She never really wanted to get married. I guess she was a little just bitter about it. Her dad didn’t want to go, and she was having a conversation with him, saying that maybe she didn’t want to get married because she thought it was weird too...two girls standing up there. Who would even walk down the isle? This is silly. But then she realized, she didn’t want to not get married because they were her feelings, but because they were her dads. She believed and had it ingrained in her that 2 females can’t marry and it would be weird. So she lived with that all her life. Here she was, in a loving, long term relationship with 3 kids and 2 foster kids, and yet still couldn’t bring herself to get married. Until she realized she could. That all of those thoughts weren’t hers but those thrown upon her. 

Now I’m not saying this to all of the sudden announce that I am going to have a wedding and raise a heap of kids, but I am saying that I like my life better knowing it is a possibility. That possibly, maybe, someday I would want a normal life too. Being able to settle down with someone I love and maybe even have kids. Invite kids that don’t have a family into mine. Love them like I have been loved. And maybe I am still not keen on the idea of marriage, but maybe one day I will be. And if you don’t believe I should be, then you don’t have to come….as a matter of fact, I wouldn’t want you to come. No offense, but, I guess you can just pick and choose the status updates you like of mine on Facebook and I would just have the people that supported me there. (It’ll never happen, so you can just calm down) 

Anyway, all of this to say, this show has got me thinking. I think it is good for America, it’s good for me, it’s good for everyone in general. And not just for showing a family with 2 moms, but with adopted and fostered kids as well. I have heard a lot of good things from that community about how they are tackling those subjects and how foster kids and adopted kids are happy to finally see some representation of their own on tv. It’s finally widening the scope of visibility for a lot of different people, and I really like that. 

The Art of Friendship

Proverbs 17:17

"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity." 

Today we started a new series at Mosaic entitled Match. Looking at our relationships and seeing best how they can be fostered to form close, meaningful connections with those in our lives. The first in our series was entitled the art of friendship. Friendship is a very important thing to have in one's life, knowledge gained from being on both sides of that coin. Friendship is an important thing to have in pretty much almost all and any of your relationships, be it romantic or not. But today, we are talking about just straight up friendship, from one person to another.

In our realm of people we interact with, we have a community of people we talk to (some could call it a group of acquaintances) and we have friends. The first wall you cross from being in one's community to one's friendship is vulnerability. Once you are vulnerable with each other, it opens up the conversation to get to know each other in a more meaningful way. The problem with vulnerability, however, is that people sometimes use disclosure instead of being vulnerable, and they are not the same thing. This is one of my problems, in that even with this blog I feel like I disclose a good amount of my life, so while it may seem like you may know me because of the things I disclose, it isn't a relationship we are forming, it isn't the type of vulnerable that breaks down walls.

The next phase that builds friendships is confidence. Confidence, loyalty, and forgiveness. These all kind of go hand in hand. You want a friend who is loyal, who you can be confident in, that will be trustworthy with your vulnerability. Someone is who is always on your side....a friend who loves at all times.

Forgiveness. The people who are closest to you forgive you the most. You have to live in a state of forgiveness. People tend to hurt the people they love and care about more than anyone. Friendship is about looking over the million little things we do wrong and love them anyway. I feel the need to text my friends and thank them for forgiving me a thousand times. I screw up, I make mistakes, I act like an idiot, and forgiveness is essential in this thing we call friendship.

Friendships are serious business. They tie our futures together. They are the people we share our lives with and invest in. The people we go to when things aren't going great and still the same people we go to to celebrate when they are.

As much as I say I like to be alone and am a loner, my life would not be even remotely as full if I didn't have my friends. As James Taylor would put it, "i've seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend." The happiest times of my life have been when I was surrounded by my friends. I feel like my social anxiety and fear of rejection and whatever else I blogged about last kept me from fully investing in so many relationships. I build a good amount of walls because sometimes maybe I don't want to seem weak or needy. I like being independent and not thinking I have to rely on anyone or need anyone....this just secluded myself even more and always leaves me on the outside looking in (which is a rather lonely place I have come to find.) When you become vulnerable with other people and let them in, friendships are able to grow and life becomes even more beautiful because you have more people to share it with.

Annie Grace Shaffer, the best friend I could ever ask for. I have no idea what in the world I would do without her in my life. God bless her heart I am such a hard person to be friends with and she just stuck it out, i'm not even sure why....only because, like I said, she is the best friend I could ask for. The thing is, with all of my pitfalls I have blogged about, excluding people from my life is one of the side effects and that makes it hard to foster friendships, but Annie still did it and i'm so glad she did. These type of friendships gives me such a comfort knowing that when I am at work doing a lock-up and I have things going through my head with no cell service to consult anyone, my first thought is to write to Annie on the back of my sides. Knowing that I can go to her with anything and she will listen. That no matter what I do, she always forgives me and loves me anyway. Now that is friendship.

If I wrote about all my friendships I know you'd get bored, but I feel like i'm finally at the point in my life that I am surrounded by such a great group of people, where I finally have a nice core group of friends that I have been able to overcome my insecurities and be vulnerable with them and share my life with them, that I just need to share. I can't go on without also mentioning Aaron. My self proclaimed life partner and soul mate, it would seem. The amount of ease in conversation I have with sharing just anything about life with this kid is just....very comforting. I love having that person in my life, where we can sit on a swingset at night and just talk about how great our futures are gonna be, or go driving around for hours discussing our problems and talking through them together. Him putting up with me when I vent with him about certain people and crushes that i'm sure he could care less about. (sorry bout it, aaron, haha) Having that type of friendship makes the little things like finding fried chicken, walking around the beach, or going to a gibbon conservatory even more fun.

I can't keep writing paragraphs, but my roommates Erica and Kelly, some of my best friends here in LA as well. Never did I think I would enjoy someone just barging into my room (with a cat nonetheless) to talk. Never have I really had that living situation where I was always living with people I could have such good conversations with. From discussing our need to get more involved in volunteering and about our relationship with God and other people...to having them deal with my ramblings about my social awkwardness with people. (And then random spouts of getting mad at one another before emerging again to eat some sort of dessert or food together because getting frustrated with people and situations is life and hey, that too grows friendships, haha)

Anyway, all of this to say, friendships are important. I feel like they are probably even the building blocks to a happy and healthy life. It takes time, it takes commitment, it takes forgiveness, it takes vulnerability and confidence, but they are relationships that last a lifetime. Start building those bridges and investing in people, it is one of the best decisions i've ever made.

(also need to give a shout-out to another of my closest friends here, Edwin, who too has had to deal with my ridiculous musings, but who we have so much fun together and who also keeps me warm when the beach on the 4th of July is freaking freezing!)

As it turns out, I have a rather low self esteem

Today I had to be an extra on the movie I am working on. Originally they told me to bring upscale clothes because the scene takes place outside a high-end fashion mall. I reluctantly agreed to try to come up with something in my wardrobe that could make people believe I had any ounce of upscaleness in me. (I told them I would make a great homeless person, 12 year old boy, or hiker if they wanted to take me to Yosemite, but I wasn't making any promises for this scene.) We ended up coming up with an outfit to wear and as I was heading to set the wardrobe girl was saying how cute I looked. She mentioned it to someone else, who agreed, as I was nodding my head no. I didn't believe them and ignored anyone else who tried to chime in, in the nicest way possible.

So this update may be a little tooo personal for anyone to really care about, but this thing has kind of turned into a space for me get things out and work through life, so here it is.

Growing up I was always one of the smallest if not THE smallest person in the class. I have since kinda grown into a normal size, but I still kind of miss not being the shortest. Now don't get me wrong, I am in no way tall, but I liked being short. ...shorter than average. I felt as if it was easier to get lost in the crowed, to go unnoticed. I've had the same hair and basically clothes style all my life, for fear of changing things up too much would draw any unwanted attention to myself. People notice when you do or wear things out of the ordinary. I didn't/don't want anyone to notice me, so I stick with what I and what others know.

I know feeling this way is probably typical of moost people. Who isn't insecure about something about themselves? Not everyone, I feel, looks in the mirror and thinks 'yes! i'm the greatest!' That doesn't mean there aren't days when I can look in the mirror and feel good about myself, but for the most part, I just think...'this'll have to do' or 'I wonder if I might be pretty if I didn't have all this stupid acne covering up almost all my dumb face.' We all got things to work on.

Recently I have re-discovered my social anxiety. Not that it ever wasn't there, but it has been all too clear recently which made me announce again that yep, pretty sure I get social anxiety. And does that in and of itself fruit from a low self-esteem? That would make sense, right? Or maybe it is different, I don't know. But i'm sure it is at least related.

For example, why do I always assume people dislike me? I always do it. I always think everyone hates me, doesn't want to talk with me or ever hang out. I say I don't care if people like me and I don't care what people think of me, but deep down inside, I want them to like me. Nothing wrong with that.

So here I am, yet again blogging about my insecurities and shortcomings. I feel like I blog about this a lot, and for that i'm sorry. But hey, who needs a therapist! Look at all the things i've worked out recently! haha. Well anyway, not even sure there is anything I can do about all of these things, just accepting and working through them has been alright I guess. I could say i'm gonna start accepting compliments and hoping those things won't make me uncomfortable anymore...but i'm sure they would. I could somehow try to figure out a way to make myself believe that I am likable and people actually might like me as a person and not that everyone hates me, but i'm sure that wouldn't last long either. It's just something to live with and try to work on the best I can...like admitting it to people. I feel it's always gonna be hard for me when I am put in social situations and that just lowers my self-esteem even more and heightens my weariness and fear of rejection. What a vicious cycle I get myself into.

Anyway, if there is anyone out there reading this that too feels like they have social anxiety or a low self-esteem, you ain't the only one. I feel ya. We can be sisters or brothers in this fight against the world. Know that you are great, and I would want to talk to YOU at a party or social occasion. Maybe sometimes it is ok that we feel a little down on ourselves, but it is also ok for us to sometimes feel good about ourselves, because we are special too. Don't let the extroverts fool you into believing the ones that need to be the center of attention are the only ones that are good enough to receive compliments and make new friends at places, because that's where I will be, in the corner avoiding attention with you and we'll have a great time doin it.

There will be no resting in peace

There has been a rather morbid recurring theme in my life this past week or so, and that is death. It kind of started with the news of Cory Monteith dying, then driving past a cemetery back and forth between base camp and where we filming one day this week, then onto a funeral scene we were doing in a church and I just started a new book where the whole first chapter is about the death of this woman's mother. While at this fake funeral, it got me thinking again about what I would want my funeral to be like....(and nothing like this funeral that is happening in this movie)

I hope I don't go anytime soon, but just in case of a tragic accident, i'mma share real quick how I would hope my post death dealings would go. Well first of all, what's the deal with burying people's bodies in caskets forever? Driving past the cemetery really got me thinking about that as well. Like, that is kind of weird to me. I would really hope that if at all possible I could donate some portion of my body that is still viable to another person who is actually living that needs it. Heck, I would be dead, what do I need it for? Anyway, although the thought of just being buried is weird to me, cremation and dealing with ashes and urns seem kinda weird to me too. Anyway, we can get back to that later. 

Funerals normally are so sad, people talk, hymns are sung, you are sitting or standing in pews in a church. That seems so formal. No, when I go there better not be any sad faces in the house. I would hate to even call it a funeral because that is a depressing word in and of itself. You know what would be so much funner than a funeral? Just a party. Skip the stupid gather in a church thing. I hope everyone that I love just gathers around, listens to music, eats a lot of my favorite foods, and enjoys each others company. (there better be chocolate cake and fried chicken or I will be really disappointed in whoever planned this shindig) Sure you can still have someone come up and talk if you neeed to, but listen, we've all heard whatever any pastor or generic little message would be said. If we are all gonna sing a song together (i'll be there in spirit), I don't want it to be some slow opera sounding hymn. no. we can sing a song with a violin, electric guitar, piano, and a drum. It'll be a song about love. While y'all will be singing about God's love (you can pick a song from Mosaic that I have used in a Facebook update if you want), I will be up there partying it up and singing with you. There will be no mention of the words "rest in peace" because no, I will not be resting, I will be having the time of my life with the person that loves me the most. I will be the happiest I have ever been in my life. You guys are gonna be jealous of me...I am already jealous of the people that have already passed and are partying it up in heaven right now without me! (I mean, just think about it guys, how fun is it going to be when we all die? (...and hopefully all meet up in heaven) It's gonna be so great I can't even wait.) Anyway, enough about heaven, so point being, I just hope everyone has a good time (and also eats cotton candy, I forgot to mention that too.) Gather at someone's house, have a party in the forest (that would be awesome!), go on a hike for me, or heck even a camping trip, take your pick.

I got a text earlier this week (and once again playing on my theme) from my roommates that they were talking about how they were going to spread my ashes when I die. (Not random at all or anything) One of them said she thought i'd like to be spread over many countries and pretty places (and that she would take me to Italy.) The more I thought about that....well yea! of course that sounds like the perfect thing to do with me when I die! The ground doesn't need anymore bodies and I hear caskets are expensive! ...don't even bother with an urn, those things are tacky looking. A plastic bag in a cardboard box would be just fine! ...ok, so, I know that would be weird to be carrying around ashes, but sure, hand 'em out to all my friends and family when they go somewhere fun. Spread me across the world! It is in these times when I remember again how meaningless our physical bodies are and how short our time on earth is. It's a good reminder not to take life so seriously and worry about such trivial things. 

ANYWAY, i'm sure if anyone is reading this they have had enough of my talk and odd morbidness...although it didn't really seem that morbid to me! we all gotta die! better make the most of it, haha. Well thanks for baring with me. I'm sure if I go at 104 even (wouldn't that be a hoot, haha) no one will have read or even remember this, but still, hoping this all happens when the time comes. Thanks for baring with me. 

Love you crazy fools! 

Hello

Long time no talk, people. Not even sure what last I updated, but it doesn't matter all too much because Facebook tends to do that for me. July is now officially underway and I can't believe this year is already halfway over! Last month was both unproductive and productive at the same time. At the beginning of the month I was just finishing up a movie then went home for a little bit, which was a great time.

It is during these times when I feel a little weird about my work situation. I feel like I haven't worked in a month (which I kinda haven't) and although this work schedule is not new to me, I am still trying to justify it. I always feel like a lazy bum when i'm not working on a movie, but I have found some ways to combat this.

...I guess I did work a few days on a movie at the beginning of June (woo! not too bad) then spent some time with friends and seeing a screening of a movie I worked on before heading home. Being home was great because although there were some jobs I ended up not being able to do, I didn't have any staff PA jobs for a movie going on, so I was able to just hang out with the family and not feel bad about being home and away from any work. Plus, I got to work basketball camp...so being somewhat productive and somewhat working a little bit. After a couple weeks it was back to LA where we went to Disney and hung out. June was rounded off with extraing a couple days on True Blood, so although when I go through these days of not working for a while, I make myself feel better knowing that I diiid work that basketball camp, and those 2 days at True Blood, and that one day at the world record show.

When you aren't employed, obviously it can sometimes drive you nuts. Luckily, I am surrounded by a great group of people that keep me company in these times. At least I can save money on groceries by preparing my stomach for a food fest with friends in which I ate myself to death. At least I have friends to celebrate a late birthday with me by hitting up Disney for the day after a great morning at Mosaic. At least I can be an extra a few days a month between projects to be around a set and make some extra money. At least I have friends that invite me to see pre-screenings of movies so I don't have to go pay to see them. At least I have friends that come in to town that cook and go hiking with me so i'm not stuck in my bed or on my couch during my unemployment feelin like a fool.

All this to say, I have technically been unemployed as a PA for the past month, but I don't even mind anymore. Luckily small odd jobs come up, I can still pay my bills, and its been fun hanging out with friends and family the past month. Tomorrow is July 4th, so it is sure to be filled with good times with friends, then starting Friday luckily it is back to the grind of a steady job the rest of the month! (woo!) I work a day of pre-production in the office Friday, one last day of being an extra on Aaron's movie Sunday (chosen by Paul Thomas Anderson himself, everyone, haha ;) ) and then we start shooting the movie i'm PAing for on Monday until August! Although it has been a great month, i'm suuuuper ready for the next movie!!!

Edit:
Also a friendly shout out to youtube and new tv series that ALSO keep me quite a bit of company during unemployment. ORPHAN BLACK WHAT UUUUP?!?!