Girls

So today I have ended up pretty much locking myself in my room and having a Girls marathon. I don't really expect many people that read my blog to know much about the show....nor would I really even encourage you to watch it, but it has been good for me today. Well first of all, let me just explain a bit. Girls is a show on HBO about a group of young adults who live in New York and are just trying to make it in the world. There really isn't any other show like it. Season 1 starts out with the main character, Hannah, who just recently graduated from college and is trying to find a job. She is interning and wants to be a writer. The very first episode starts outs with her eating dinner with her parents who have came to town to visit and kind of just tell her, it's time for her to start living on her own...financially. The show follows mainly the main character but also her group of friends, 3 other girls....and hence the title of the show.

Now that I kind of have you filled in on the basic gist of it, on to the reason why I am blogging about it. The thing is, I have been unemployed for a good amount of time now. I think this is actually the longest I have been in LA without having worked. It hasn't actually seemed that long because annie came to visit and there were wrap parties for the movie and annie came again and big bear and disneyland, but now that I have been sitting around the past couple days, I am realizing how long it has been and I have been feeling bad about it. And it isn't like I haven't been trying. I have been e-mailing as many people as I can. I have sent in my application on the staffmeup website. I have called central casting probably hundreds of times. I can't even be an extra! It is times like this when I...anyone...people in general get down and discouraged. Sometimes I forget that i'm not the only one in the world that is trying to make it, that doesn't always have it together and life figured out. I've been feeling a little like a failure in that I haven't been working, but after watching this show, I don't feel so singled out. I am 22. Sometimes I don't always have to have everything together. Not everyone my age has a steady job and everything figured out and that's ok. These girls on this show, they don't know what the heck they are doing. Sometimes they aren't employed and that's ok, they survive. Sometimes they feel overwhelmed by the world and that we need to have everything figured out and put together....and we don't. But who cares. A lot of us don't. We are all just trying to figure it out. Sometimes it takes a while to find a job and it isn't all our fault. We can only do the best we can and hope something ok comes out of it.

I gotta be honest, I am not really too much of a worrier, however I do tend to think about my finances a lot. I like to be careful, thoughtful, and conscientious with my money. I am rather frugal...and probably sometimes to the point of ridiculousness, but it has worked for me. That being said, because of my last movie, I do have enough money to pay for all my expenses for next month, which is always great. I don't mean to say in this next thought that i'm going to stop looking for a job...because honestly I think i will go mental if I don't get some sort of job soon, but I feel that at this point of my life, it's ok to not stress too much about being unemployed for a few weeks. Another job will come eventually. I feel like maybe I spend too much of my time stressing about finding a job or making sure i'll have enough money for all of my expenses, but at this point, I do and I have done the best that I can. I think I am finally coming to the point where I need to stop beating myself up over this fact, acting like i'm the only unemployed person out there.  I am not. But at least I am trying. At least I have enough for everything I need. I am only 22 and living the life of a PA, so I gotta live it up while I can, yea?

Anyway, I know this has been super long, but what else do I have to do. I mean, I did just write a novel about how I was unemployed so, there ya go, haha. I am going to try to stay in this headspace for as long as I can, because knowing me I will be back to feeling bad about it in no time....watching other shows and seeing other people's lives being successful and having a great old time at my age (I do that way to often) But for now, I guess i'll just chill and keep doing my thing. You can only do what you can do...and i'm doin it.



*Bonus encouragement from Girls...if needed.

Hannah as portrayed by Lena Dunham

So I guess I kinda ended this blog but there was also a part about Girls that I wanted to mention but now going back and rereading what I wrote, I wouldn't know where to add it...so i'll just throw it in down here. I just wanted to add how glad I am not only of the type of character(s) being played, but also what they look like. In a world where I watch tv and there are beautiful skinny people all over the place (I mean, one of the shows i'm mildly obsessed with is entitled PRETTY little liars for heavens sake) it is nice to see a 'normal' looking girl portrayed. The main character/creator/writer/director behind girls is lena dunham. And here would be typical Hannah ->.  I am NOT saying that she is ugly, I am just saying that she doesn't make me feel bad about myself when I see her and look down and notice the toll that catering/crafty has taken on me unlike most of all my other favorite characters on tv. Anyway, what i'm trying to say is. I just really appreciate the realness of these characters and I kind of wish there were more of them on tv. Cause nothin kills your self esteem like seeing Naya Rivera and Shay Mitchell on your screen every week, ain't nobody got time to live up to that!!