Retroactive Reviews

Tonight I was on Youtube watching a show and when it ended, for some reason, on the home screen was my face.....from 2012. How did THAT get there??? I was sitting next to my roommate Michael and he scrolled over to put it on, me being mortified grabbed that remote and turned it right back off! I thought I had deleted that thing!! Well, turns out i just put it on private so while i'm the only one that has access to it, I guess so does everyone else that watches our TV. But I digress. 

When I was a senior in college, my last semester before graduating, I decided to make a documentary of my final semester. It's mainly boring, kinda sad, terrible camera work, and when I uploaded it to youtube it did this janky thing where it zooms in and out and shakes and moves around my little captions on the bottom.....the beginning is kinda hard to watch quite frankly. (Though you will never know!) It was 41 minutes long and not gonna lie, I was tearing up at the end! 

I have the memory of a goldfish. Not 5 minutes ago Lauren was texting me about a TV series, I told her I would have to google it.....apparently it is a TV series we watched and enjoyed. Oops. There are too many TV shows!! If I can't even remember last week how am I supposed to remember 2012!! Much less the regular mundane moments in my day. And then I watch my videos. Oh my gosh that was me?? I want to hug my little 21 year old self. I never think about her, really. Most of the time any memories I might have float away to never be thought about again. Not for any particular reason, but because why would you? 

Almost all of my videos on my youtube channel were uploaded around my college years. You know what was right next to my documentary? A 2013 year end review video. 7 minutes long. It is actually crazy to watch my 2012 video that ended right at my college graduation- so much hope and optimism and excitement of the unknown, followed by my next year - my first full year in LA. The contrast in the videos was astounding. If my 2012 self could watch that 2013 year end video she would've probably shed tears of joy. But this post isn't about that! Back to my bad memory. 

I ALSO hadn't probably thought of nearly all the things that happened in the 2013 video since....well, probably 2013. But it was fun to go back and remember those memories existed. One tiny little clip in that video showed a flying clock on a string, to which I narrated - 'Time really does fly when you think about it' I have blinked and now that video is TEN YEARS OLD. TEN. 

Now onto the post - lol. (jk. but actually) I know Facebook used to make those year end review videos for everyone around New Years and it was sweet but I mainly didn't want to jump on a bandwagon and do one for myself. Fair. Honestly, no one cares about your year in review, no offense. That being said - i'm doing years in review!!! lololol. I have so many memories I feel like are lost at sea and maybe it's time to go fishing and mount what I catch so I can go back and look at it every now and again. I know i'm going to lose the authenticity of the moment by going back and doing a year in review for 2014, but I hope I can somehow jump back into my 2014 mind and remember what was on my playlist, who I was. Life is such a rollercoaster man.  We have so many chapters (if we are lucky) and what a joy it is to go back and re-read some of those chapters, ride through some of those corkscrews and loops. I don't want to forget where i've been, where i set out to go, or how far i've come. Yes yes, you've gotta live life in the present, but if you can created a little time capsule for yourself to go back and watch in 10 years time, maybe you'll remember to be proud of not only your accomplishments but the whole journey along the way. I think it's just another way to honor this life we've been given. Now, here I go to get my waders but don't make fun, because these videos are for future me. 

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

 Hello again, it has been about 3 months since i've last updated and I figured since i'm back to unemployed....what the heck else am I doin?! 

As you probably already know, the WGA (writers) and SAG (actors) are still on strike and that has made our industry come to a grinding halt.....after all, what can you film without writers and actors? (well, more on that to come!) The WGA has been on strike since May 1st and while my show still has nearly a month and a half left of filming for the season, we are all in limbo until these strikes are over. But today I didn't want to focus on the WGA or AMPTP or the strikes, most recently i've started to think of what the strike has given me instead of taken away. 

Because of the strike: we (Ray, Lauren and Amy) were FINALLY (after years of talking about it) able to do our Six Flags day (in the middle of a "work" day!). We were able to have a little longer trip to Austin to visit Kelly and Brian before they moved back to LA (more on that to come!). I was able to help Lauren with her garage construction project she was hired for. I was able to spend a week with my fam in Florida and meet my new nephew (!!). I was able to work on a reality show I normally NEVER would've worked on (more on that to come!). I was able to leave mid-week for a camping trip up north to celebrate my good friends birthday. I was able to learn and take up a new hobbie of pickleball. I've been able to spend so much time with my wife- hanging out, playing games, and just generally enjoying each others company. I was able to randomly fly to St.Louis for a day for the world's longest commute for a 1 day tech scout. I was able to help my friends move into a new apartment. I able to spend a week in St.Louis running around like a crazy person with my best friend filming 1 last week of said reality show. I was able to help my other best friends move into a house (welcome back to LA Kelly and Brian!!!) I've been able to make and have homemade thai tea at least half (if not/probably more) of the days the industry has been shut down. 

Thinking back now to all i've been up to since the strike started, it really does make me feel blessed. (Even though i'm broke, lol. But money comes and goes and the industry will pick back up again) One of the biggest things to happen during the strike was me working on The Boulet Brothers Dragula. Since this is a nonunion reality competition show, there are no writers or actors so the show could carry on! One of my best friends produced it and while we used to work together so much when I first got started, we never work together anymore and it was so so nice to finally be working with him again. As this was a drag competition show, you can imagine that the creators and everyone involved in producing this show are gay....or part of the LGBTQ+ community.  I never even considered how different it could be/how it could make you feel to work with a majority queer team and let me tell you, to be surrounded by my kin was nothing like i've ever experienced before. To all be able to understand our quirky jokes and language, it was comfortable, it felt right. Even though the budget was strained we were a scrappy little crew and we got the job done and i think this will be their best season yet! After spending so much time together and traveling to random places in the country, it really made me so fond of these people. I can't imagine my summer without our laughter, really! 

All of this to say- it really has been a pretty shitty season for everyone in the film industry. I know a lot of people struggling and it's hard. I hope and I pray that we can all get back to working on our normal shows soon. But until then, i'm going to try to keep focusing on the positive. Being thankful for all the extra time I get to spend with my friends and my wife. All the extra trash TV I normally wouldn't watch that now I binge on days with nothing on the calendar (come on Married At First Sight!) Tomorrow we'll pickleball and Thursday we'll learn how to line dance at a gay line dancing/2 stepping bar. Friday Lauren and I will go back to where it all started 6 years ago having dinner at Pa Ord Noodle. And after that, who knows (probably another season of Married At First Sight) but i'll focus on the rights instead of wrongs and we'll make it through this weird time. Who knows, maybe Crumbl cookies will finally hire me and the next time I write to you i'm a baker!!? 

Saint Ferdinand

I have made 133 blog posts on this website since 2011. 2011 I was a junior in college and I believe i mainly started this blog after having to start one for my third year writing class. Back in April when I rediscovered this here blog I had a great(?), interesting time going back and re-reading a lot of those blog entries. Boy did I have a lot to say (not really, haha). But it got me thinking....how the heck did I even come up with the ideas to write half the stuff I did!! For a small portion of time on this blog I would make posts about songs I was listening to at the time (it was fun going back and relistening to some of those blast from the past songs I had posted back in 2011.) Anyway, a new album came out recently that I have been listening to so I figured might as well bring the song posts back!! 

One artist that I am a fan of is Lauren Daigle. She is mainly a Christian artist but like others before her, she is dipping her toe into the secular world (to much disdain and criticism from the christian community of course- the least loving, accepting, and forgiving community i have ever seen. ...but back to Lauren!) Her voice has hints of Adele (who obviously I love and am obsessed with), Joss Stone, just a really soulful, beautiful voice. Her new album was released last month and it is self titled (though this is her third album) and is the most "her" album. 

My favourite song is entitled Saint Ferdinand. Not sure why I love it so much, but I keep just listening to it on repeat. I don't even know what (or who) Saint Ferdinand is to her, it makes me want to do a search to see if she has done an interview explaining what this song means to her and what Saint Ferdinand is. To me, this song really makes me feel/think about my relationship with (and mainly leaving) the church and experiencing life outside of it. I have spent a very very large chunk of my life in the church, to various levels, and seeing the good and the bad. Unfortunately, the bad just got worse and....sometimes, just for your own mental health, you have to walk away from something that is damaging you more than helping you. So to me, Saint Ferdinand is my journey in Los Angeles. 

Please take a listen and the video i'm posting is the lyric video so i'll leave those out of the post this time. I think I just want to highlight maybe a few lyrics to explain a little more why I feel the way I do about the song. (Other than maybe the obvious) 

'These streets may not look pretty but I see angels walking in the city' 

    -When I hear these lyrics, I think of the bad reputation Los Angeles (or even the secular world) has. Even just physically, LA can be a gross dirty place. But I have found so many good, genuine people out here. Literally angels in my life. The very community that the world (ok fine, republican conservatives mainly) keeps attacking have shown me so much love and joy and community and family that although they keep getting a bad rap and los angeles may be portrayed some sort of way, it is still filled with angels. 

'Maybe I loved you more than you loved me. Maybe life's got a way of bringing you to your knees'

    

    -Still again my relationship with the church. I loved it so much. I attended, i served. I gave it everything I had. They didn't love me back. Maybe too much noise from the Trump christians is all I heard, but that was enough. While I do feel the tides are s l o w l y changing with acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community, it isn't there and frankly, I don't really feel comfortable in church anymore after repeatedly hearing what they have to say about it. They done did break me and that is their fault. 

'Saint Ferdinand my wonderland wild and strange where vagabonds play. Saint Ferdinand not what I planned for my fate but i'm gonna stay'

    -If you would've told me when I was younger that I would be living in Los Angeles I would've been like.....'huh? Say what? Really?' I don't really even know what I envisioned for my older self when I was younger, but I can tell you I wouldn't bet that this is how my relationship with the christian community would go. This other community that i've found- wild and strange full of vagabonds, they ARE  my community. They love me better. They love me the best. 

I hope everyone was able to listen and love this song, even for not the same reason that I love it. And that's what makes music so great, it can make us all feel different things in different ways. I didn't really intend to go where I went when I started this post, and I guess I should apologize as I do know I still have a lot of people in my life in the church, but I just had to share my experience and maybe it can help you in your own christian journey being a little more understanding and welcoming to those outside of it. Most of the soap box i've been on is a post for another day, but I did want to add before ending this post that while my feelings toward the church and christians have soured, my faith and relationship with Christ is something I still hold dear and find comfort in. My hope is that one day (probably after i'm gone, if ever) we can all hold each other dear and love and respect each other even with our differences. Until then, Saint Ferdinand. 
 

After The Rain The Sun Always Shines

 Not gonna lie, the past month or so has been a little hard for me. As I mentioned in my last post I have been unemployed. ....to be frank, I have been unemployed more than I have been employed this year. The TV show that I had been working on shut down on multiple occasions and the most recent shut down has lasted 2 months. It just came at a very unfortunate time as all the union's contracts are set to expire so contract negotiations are happening and the studios have basically slowed down (or stopped) making any new content until these negotiations are settled, so the industry is very slow at the moment. Funnily enough, my show finally starts back up next week....just in time for the writers to go on strike. 🤣 (The WGA (Writers Guild) has until May 1st to settle a new contract with AMPTP (Producers) and if they do not settle on a new contract, the WGA has voted to go on strike which would shut the whole industry down until they come to terms.) 

And now that you are up on all the latests Hollywood news....back to me, haha. To be honest, for the past little while I have actually toyed with the idea of finding a job outside of the film industry. The hours sometimes on set make the thought of working even 12 hours a day a dream. But this time away from set and searching job board after job board looking for another career made me realize....what the heck else can I do? haha. It's HARD having a career change. And certainly takes work. Plus i'm lazy! And I will admit....while being a DGA member can be brutal sometimes (with hours and whatnot) you DO get paid for it so it's really a hard industry to look out of, especially comparing rates and such, haha. 

As i've been spending so much time on my computer looking for other work and job opportunities, all of my closest friends have been traveling around Japan. As many of you know, I love to travel and take pride in my country count. Back in the old days I would be finishing an international trip and planning my next one! Japan has always been near the top of my 'Countries to Visit Soon' list so the fact that I couldn't join them was just a bummer. And the worst part was, I actually had the time. I'm not working. But I guess that in and of itself is the problem. Can't pay for a trip if you don't have a job! I know this post is a lot about 'woe is me' but I found this website again and I said I would start updating more and, like I said I have the time so this is the only content I have at the moment. 

That being said, in my extra spare time i've had, I've really started to notice and enjoy the flowers that have started to bloom all around town. There are literally small flowers mixed in the grass, coming out of the bushes, they are everywhere! It honestly brings the 'April showers bring May flowers' to life. And i'd like to think that nature parallels life and I know my flowers will soon be in bloom. I'm not sure how much you know about weather in LA, but this season it has been RAINY. Like, rainy and cold like no other. So much of california has been in a drought for AGES and after the amount of rain we have seen, much of the state is finally out of their warnings. And you know what? The state has never been more beautiful. I've always said that LA looks its most beautiful after a rain. The brown hills for a moment turn green. The rain washes the smog away and we can breathe again. It really is when LA is at its finest. So here we are now after a season full of rain and now we get to be surrounded by flowers in bloom, green foothills, and the sight of snow still covering the mountains in the distance. 

Maybe these last few months have been a little rainy for me. The sun hasn't always shown and i've had to sit under the ominous clouds wondering what I could do when the sun wasn't out. And that's about all I could do really, just enjoy the rain as much as I can until the sun shines again. Like I said I finally start back on my show on Monday and at least i'll get a solid week's worth of work in, and that is much needed. Last year I never would have thought I would be so excited for a week of work, but life really runs in cycles doesn't it. The looming writers strike doesn't quite emote a sunny forecast ahead, but like they say - after the rain, the sun always shines. Maybe this rain will bring the biggest bloom yet. 

Hello Again

 Holy Cow. I COMPLETELY forgot this website/blog ever existed and during my current unemployment, one thing led to another and here we are!! 

To be honest what brought me back here (other than unemployed despair) was my seeking of an old document I started years ago (but somehow after my latest post on here, which leads me to believe I had already forgotten about this website then) which I started just in case I felt the need, IN ALL OF MY WISDOM, to start a book, lol. I mean, I don't mean to toot my own horn but there is some good stuff in there! Anyway, it led me to my (also forgotten) old tumblr which led me here! I will admit i've gone through and read some of my old posts and what a journey, haha! (Still can't believe this thing dates back to 2011) 

Now you may be thinking (you aren't), Amy, go back real quick to that part about you writing a book. Way back when (maybe 2018??) I thought I had some insightful things to say so I started a little document titled, 'a book' you know, just in case. But what I realized is most of the things I had written down in there were more like a journal entry.....unsurprisingly, like this exact platform I am writing to you now. It's like I forgot this website existed and my soul knew I still needed some form of escape from my brain so I started that doc not even remembering I had already started this platform AGES ago! The crazy thing is, earlier this morning I was over there writing in this what I had newly titled a 'journal' instead of 'book'. I do think some of those entries still might be a little too personal, or embarrassing, or raw, but maybe down the line i'll transfer that 'book' over here to this blog so those words won't go to waste. 

Because i'm Me, I do believe everything happens for a reason and I think I was meant to stumble upon this blog again. It has actually been so crazy to go back and re-read some of the posts i've made and i'm pretty happy with my younger self for going on this little literary journey. In this current age where the only thing you present to this world is a picture that goes away after 24 hours, or if they are really important ones pictures that you post forever or a sentence on FB or 140 characters on twitter, but sometimes that isn't enough to release the thoughts swirling in your head. I went back and looked at the subtitle on this blog- A glimpse inside the happenings in my head. Apparently I had so much to say when I was younger. 77 posts in 2011, 27 posts in 2012, 17 in 2013 and so on. Less and less posts as the years go by. I'd like to think it's because I was getting smarter and there were less ominous things happening in my head, and supposedly i'm a grown up now and we don't overshare, especially on the internet. But I think i'm going to challenge myself to start writing on this blog again. I doubt anyone will read it, but if nothing else and I forget again in a years time that this space exists, I can see what I had to say in April of 2023. 

I think I MAY even just start this next chapter of blogging by going back and sharing my very first 'book' entry from my "not a blog blog post" haha. The thing I am kind of longing for a little bit in this....i'm not gonna call it an experiment...my re-introduction to blogging, is- do y'all remember or did you ever have Xanga? Man that was the SITE when I was in highschool. Honestly, it served us well I think. The thing I loved about it was that is wasn't just a blogging website, everyone had their own and were constantly commenting on each others blog entries and it was a little community. You were able to REALLY KNOW how people were and how their week was, not just by knowing what they were up to by seeing one picture they posted with emoji's as the caption. oooh but that was a different time. And now i'm rambling, but for no one in particular because like I said, (did I even say this?) we are ADULTS now so we are way too busy to be reading rambling blog posts anymore, that was for high school, haha. 

I digress. I'll wrap this up so I can go jump into year 2011 and see what young 21 year old me had to say. Should I post these to Facebook? Will anyone read them? Does anyone care? Do *I* care? I'm just gonna be over here writing things until someone in the film industry decides to work again.....

2016, what a year

2016- 

Some would say it hasn't been a great year, and in many aspects, it was pretty bad; but in SOME it was awesome. Let me tell you why, in spite of all of the bad things that happened, why it was also such a great year to look back on: 

-I rung in my New Year on a train from Chicago to Portland. I got to finally see Crater Lake, drive the Columbia River Gorge and the Oregon Coast, and meet some great people all along the way. 

-I was introduced to the restaurant The Pan. 

-I got to run base camp again for the second season of Casual and work with great people that I’ve come to adore. 

-I finally saw the Book of Mormon with my roommates

-I got another tattoo.

-I got to go to Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Italy, Slovenia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Hungary, Denmark, and Sweden with my best friends and it was the trip of a lifetime. 

-Thomas went to a Missy Higgins concert with me

-After 4 years of living in LA I finally went to Santa Barbara. 

-I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity and helped build a house

-Finally went to Knotts Berry Farm for the first time. 

-I got to run base camp again for my all time favorite show Superstore. Friendships were made,  friendships were grown, laughter was had, television was made. 

-I got to see Adele live and in concert 3 times. THREE TIMES. What a dream. I am so lucky. 

-I took a road trip in Northern California to see the Redwoods and drive the Avenue of the Giants. They were beautiful. 

-I took a 24 hour speed trip through New York City. What a great city.

-Finally ate a Philly Cheese Steak in Philly. 

-Visited Baltimore and got to hang out with my cousins, Kaycee and Hannah. 

-I got accepted to join the DGA and am on the third area and commercial qualification list.

-I was the 1st AD for my first two AD projects that counted towards my AD days. (And 1st AD’d for the first time)

-Me and the roommates finally redecorated our living room by getting rid of 2 couches, 2 chairs, a bar with 2 bar stools, and got a brand new sectional couch, an entertainment unit, another unit for our kitchen, and mounted our tv. It’s like a whole new place! 

-I did an escape room with some friends and co-workers. We were so close to making it out alive. So close. But, we ended up being gassed by our captive. What a fun afternoon. 

-I got to go home for Thanksgiving for the first time in at least a few years. 

-I went to Iceland and explored ice caves, glaciers, waterfalls, and black sand beaches. 

-I finally saw the Northern lights. 

-Got to spend another Christmas surrounded by my family who were all healthy and alive. I love them all very much. 

Wowee. Can you even imagine someone saying 2016 wasn’t a great year? So many firsts, even some seconds. It was a blast. I am so lucky to live the life I do. I love almost every minute. AND I didn’t even mention all the TV that I watch! So many great shows this year too! ;) As I start thinking about 2017 and what all it has to offer, I encourage anyone reading this to make 2017 their best year yet, as I will try to strive for that as well. And here is how: do what makes you happy. Do what makes you laugh. Travel more. Be kind more. Be compassionate more. Volunteer more. Hang out with your friends more. Hang out with yourself more. Do something that will challenge you. Do something that will make you uncomfortable. Make a new friend. Talk to strangers. Challenge your beliefs and why you believe them. Spend a whole day on your couch binge watching a tv show. Live the life you’ve always dreamed and don’t let anything stop you. 2017 is going to be a great year, it has big shoes to fill. 


addendum: I wrote this on a plane before Iceland. I am so glad I didn't have to go back and take out that I saw the Northern Lights. God bless. 

Navigating Life

I wrote this on November 12th, the weekend after the election. I never posted it, obviously. I wrote it for myself mainly, so I could get all of that out, and I honestly think it really did help. Time has passed and I guess it seems silly to post it now, it all seems so far in the past and the feelings and things I and we have gotten over, but I also don't want to forget it. The feelings that made people act and not be complacent with life or the country, so that's why i'm posting it now instead of letting it sit in my draft folder for all of eternity. Maybe just maybe I'll come back on here one day and realize it was the best thing that could've happened. Maybe the world will fall apart and I can see where it all started.

______________________________________________________________________________

I've been having a lot of feelings recently and i'm not sure the best way to go about them. This week has been brutal. Today is my first day off in 13 days and honestly, with that paired with the election, it made for the most looked forward to weekend in while. So here I am, finally made it to the weekend, a time that I can rest and try to get over the happenings of the week, but they are still stuck on me. I can't escape the gloomyness of the election. Every time I go on any sort of social media it's all I see. It's all I could think about driving too and from work this week. I know everyone is tired of hearing about the election and the results and people's opinions on them, but i'm just hoping if I write this stuff down it'll help. This post is more for me than anyone else.

The truth is, I don't know how to see Trump supporters the same. I can't quite muster up the grace to even call my family. MY FAMILY. This is heartbreaking for me. I love them. But I am still not over it yet. I think I just need time. Or maybe I still haven't caught up on all my sleep, as I type this with tears starting to form in my eyes. I cried on my way to work both Wednesday and Thursday morning. Was I just so tired? Wednesday at work was the worst. I got there and was scared to even greet some people, knowing the outcome of the election. It is very real for a lot of people. Within 3 seconds of saying good morning to one of our actors that morning tears swelled up in her eyes and you could feel the heartbreak. The day didn't get much better from there. The over all tone/feel on set was....not good. Everyone was defeated and sad and sometimes it was hard to locate a smile unless we were rolling. Our caterer telling another guy how his 6 year old daughter is already under the impression Trump will kick them out of the country. Stories already emerging that day of truly racist actions coming out of schools. Kids making jokes about kicking fellow students out of school and out of the country. Swastika's being spray painted all over buildings or fences. Me having to wait another 30 minutes after we wrapped to sign someone out because they were crying. Because this election wasn't just about economic or health care policies, but about basic human rights that were threatened to be taken away.

I never cried because Trump is going to be our next President. My tears were for the state of this country. The heartbreak of so many. The one's who feel like their lives don't matter and their feelings, and quite frankly their human rights, were invalidated. My tears were because I don't know how to face some of the people I love. How can I be surrounded by people who turn a blind eye to all of the hateful, sexist, racist, things being done in Donald Trumps name? The unrest that is happening in this country, it's because of the hurtful things Trump has said about minorities and giving it a voice and a spreading ground for the sexist, racist, xenophobic, homophobic people that live here. Are all Trump supporters racist? Of course not. No no no. But I think it does show that it is easy for you to turn a blind eye on his sexual assault, gross sexism, the racism that clearly has been brought up, brought to light and not been condemned by him or his circle.  How does that not matter to you?

But, this is life and this is reality. In spite of it all people are rising up and making their voices heard. People are standing up for the injustice's of others and that is encouraging. People are standing up for the minorities that Trump is threatening and I can find that encouraging. This country can still rally together to do what is good, what is right, no matter who the President is. We can make this country even greatER when we realize it is not the president that shapes a nation, but the people in it that do. I think it's time. It's time we as a people decide what is important and shape the country that way instead of letting politics shape it for us. Here's to 2017.

Things you already know and 2016 plans

Well, time to do my end of the year blog update. I’ve noticed I’ve only blogged 3 times this year, and all really mainly having to do with work, so I’ll try not to bore you with repeat info. 2015 was kind of a record breaking year for me. The day after I landed back in town after New Years last year I was already booked and back to work day playing on shows, working almost every day until my South America trip. Wowee, what a great trip that was. Aaron and I explored Brazil, Argentina, and Chile. One of the prettiest I have ever been. I got back in town just in time to staff my first tv series….now, I had been staff on shows before, but all mainly indie features, not tv. I’d been working in TV for a little while at that point, but only day playing, so I was pretty excited for this. The show was called Casual (Golden Globe nomiated ;) and it was a great experience. A few days after we wrapped I flew to Florida for a quick trip home before heading off on my European adventure. It went: Ireland, Scotland, London, Germany, Switzerland, Austria. And boy was that an adventure as well. Traveling is the best. So I flew back from Germany to LA and the very next day boarded a flight to Louisiana. Now, Aaron had originally planned on taking the Europe trip with me but wasn’t able to end up coming because he got booked to work on this movie in Louisiana. I told him that I would come out and visit and he said he could probably get me booked on the movie for at least a couple days…..well, 3.5 weeks later of working in the blazing Louisiana dust bowl I get a text to run base camp again on another new tv series so it was back to LA I went. I got back and the next day had my prep day for Superstore, which we all by now know about. (Fingers crossed for season 2!) I went straight from Superstore to working on an HBO pilot and that was a pretty good one as well! If I didn’t like Lena Dunham before, I surely loved her now!! One of the best directors I have worked with. So gracious. The pilot ended just in time for Thanksgiving and for me to just hang out and chill, day playing on shows between then and when I had one more pilot to round out the year the week before I flew home for Christmas. The majority of the crew was from Superstore and we even filmed in the Superstore stage one day, so it was a nice little reunion! Not that you needed it because everyone that reads this obviously keeps up with me on Facebook, but there’s a little (or maybe not so little?) summary of my year! If I can keep this same pattern for 2016 (the rest of my life) it is sure to be another good one! Work>travel>work>travel>work>relax>repeat. 

As I mentioned above, I’ve noticed most of my blogs have to do with work….but I’ve traveled so much this year that I feel like those stories deserve screen time in the wringing out of my memories as well, so something that I’ll be starting in 2016 is a travel website/blog! I’m kinda excited about it! I think it’ll be fun not only going back and writing about my past trips and going through those pictures, but to better document my future trips as well. Coming up in 2016 I already have a pretty solid schedule for the first half of the year (which is kinda surprising for me for this industry to already know my plans/job 5 months in advance! Haha) Starting in January I will be working on a DirectTV show with a couple ADs I’ve never worked with before...as a matter of fact, I don’t know any of the other PAs as well, just 1 of the ADs, so I’m sure it’ll be an experience! That is a very quick show that I’ll only be on for a month and then a few days after I wrap that we start season 2 of Casual! This season we will be filming 13 episodes instead of 10 that we filmed last year for season 1. I haven’t gotten my schedule yet, but that’ll take me until mid-May, just in time to do some traveling!! I believe my options at this point are either a Europe trip with my BFF and roommate Kelly, or a trip to Africa with my other BFF and life partner Aaron. Either way, I can’t go wrong! I’m hoping maybe I can AD an indie after that and maaaybe start up Superstore season 2 after that to close out the year?? (A girl can dream) Wow guys, my life has really started to fall together! This year I’ll have enough days to turn my book in to the DGA for the third area days (near the end of the year) so these next couple of years will definitely be interesting! 

Thanks so much for keeping up with me this year, it was a wild one! I laughed, I cried, I blew a tire in the middle of nowhere in Chile, I spent my birthday with a half drunk man in a cemetery in Edinburgh, I trekked on a glacier, I worked on a Golden Globe nominated show, I took a 46 hour train ride from Chicago to Portland, I had my name scroll through on the credits on national television, I started liking someone again and learned I am not good with rejection, I binge watched so many tv series in 1 weekend, I woke up at 315am for work, I slept in till 1130 because I didn’t have to work, I introduced someone new to Mosaic, I got evacuated from Mosaic because of a bomb scare, I laughed, I cried. 

Thanks 2015. 

Superstore

(Obviously I am posting this late...but here is what I documented while flying home during our last hiatus)

Currently on my flight back home during our last hiatus from Superstore and I didn’t bring a book or my ipad or anything to read so I’m just being bored on my laptop, going over my calendar when I had to delete the last 2 weeks of Superstore from my calendar. It was so sad. I was even feeling weird coming to Florida because I knew that when I got back and we were back from our hiatus it would mean we only had 1 more week left. Our last episode. Originally we were supposed to have 13 episodes but because of the Olympics and presidential debates and blah blah blah NBC had to cut us down to 11 episodes. It was such a sad day when we all found out. Our crew is so great and I really enjoy everyone. I get along great with the other PAs and ADs and our trainee and the hair and make up and wardrobe department (which is especially good since other than the actors and the ADs, they are the other people I have to interact and work with the most) But the whole crew in general gets along really great. This is seriously the best show I have ever worked on and probably will ever work on. We rarely have shooting days that go over the standard 12 hour day. The show in and of itself is hilarious. The actors have us laughing every single day. The best takes are when the actors improv their lines and come up with a new ridiculous line every time. There are definitely diva actors out there and we are lucky enough on this show that all of our cast are so great. Yesterday one of our actors, Ben Feldman, was teaching me how to use his little segway thing going down the street between our stages and I just thought, this is such a fun show, I don’t think I’ll ever have a show like this again. All our actors were wrapped yesterday probably an hour before the rest of the crew was done and about 15-20 minutes after our last actors were wrapped our second AD got to me over the walkie and was like Amy, why are you still here?? I came up with the excuse that I hadn’t signed the actors out yet (which I hadn’t because they were hanging out and talking with a producer) but even if I had...and when I did, I didn’t want to leave. I went back to stage 1 to hang out and see who won our $5 Friday little game we do every Friday. It was a little group of 3 PAs and 2 ADs standing around talking before we wrapped and even though I know I didn’t have to be there, I wanted to be. I like talking with them and hanging out with them. It doesn’t even seem like work, it’s fun. This is exactly the job where people say ‘I want a job where it doesn’t feel like a job when you go to it’ This is that job. ...I mean, obviously it is work and we have stuff to do, but that’s what makes it good. I feel productive, get to hang out with friends, make a TV show, laugh, eat, ride around in a golf cart, that’s what I do with my day. And I get to do this every day and get paid for it! It really is a dream. This is the perfect show I’ve always wanted and I am so lucky that somehow I was able to end up on it. Man I am going to be so so sad when it ends and just the thought of having to wait till August to work on it again is disappointing, but also the fact that we will get to work on it again and that it is actually a show that I get to work on is enough that will hopefully get me through. I can’t wait till it airs and I especially can’t wait for it to be officially picked up for a season 2 and for us to start filming it, haha. 

What Louisiana Taught Me

Currently writing from my flight back to LA from Louisiana. The past 2 months I have spent approximately 2 days in LA- I’ve gotta say, its been a crazy 2 months but I’ve loved them and it kinda feels weird heading back and knowing I’ll be back there for a while (although who am I kidding, I am already planning another trip out of town in a couple months from now, haha) 

I was in Louisiana for 3 and a half weeks and even though in the grand scheme of things that doesn’t seem too long, it really made me realize some things and it was such a nice entry back into the states and work after my month off traveling around from Florida to/throughout Europe. I guess I can start off why I went there in the first place...as we all know Aaron is one of my best friends and he had been there working for a couple months on a movie...I had wrapped my show before going to Europe and didn’t have anything lined up for when I got back, and he had always said that I should come and visit him and maybe even work on his show since they could always use more help. So when I was on my train to Dublin when I was in Ireland I booked my one way flight to Baton Rouge and I guess the rest was history. I got there right as they were staffing up a second unit so the timing ended up working out very well! Although it was great that I was able to go there and just end up basically working staff on this movie until something else came up, it was the people and Louisiana that really have made it sad for me to go. I was able to meet and work with a lot of really great people who I will miss working with. This AD staff made me laugh every.single.day. They were so great. Yea, at the end of it I was dying to get out of there cause it was hot and dusty and frustrating and they had too many PAs sometimes so I felt useless, but at the end of the day, it was a job I will always remember and be grateful for, for it let me experience Louisiana and the people in it. My favorite part of the 3.5 weeks there were the times we weren’t working (obviously) and why I would’ve stayed there longer if I could. Where I was staying was a log cabin-like house on a lake in the woods. If this doesn’t say Amy I don’t know what does. That alone made me like it there. I spent most of my time sharing a room with Aaron and since he basically lives in every state/country other than LA, it was so nice to be able to spend this time with him. You know when you have a best friend but don’t get to see them that much and then you get to spend some time with them and the whole time you’re thinking...I have really missed this person, I’m glad I’m here and I’m glad they are here and you remember how good it is to have them in your life? This whole trip was like that. I am now making a clause in our friendship we can’t go however many months without being in the same city (...Aaron I’m working up a draft now, I’ll mail it to you for review) My first full day there we decided spur of the moment to take a quick (2.5 hour?) drive to New Orleans to get dinner as a good welcoming to Louisiana even though we had a 430am call time the next day. We had nights in Baton Rouge with the other PAs going to dinners and seeing a movie and another New Orleans weekend where we ate our way through town and gosh darn it I wish I would’ve had at least 1 more weekend for 1 more adventure. One day we had a later call time for work so we took a quick canoe trip around the lake before going in. We took late night walks around the neighborhood and sweated walking around at midnight because it just never seems to get cool there. We went over to the other PA house to hang out and had a bridge party on their cool bridge in the woods draped in outdoor lights while we sat around and listened to music and tried home made apple pie moonshine. It was just always a good time. I learned Arabic every day driving home from work! People would text me and ask me….are you still in Louisiana?? When are you coming back? What are you doing there? Is there anything there other than NOLA?? Are you excited to go back to LA? And to answer all of those questions- well, read the above paragraph. Why would I not be loving it here and want to get back to LA? Everyday I would drive on small town roads with green trees covering my drive and I would pass open fields and see beautiful sunsets and come home to a view of a lake from the kitchen sink and I could sit on a swing we had on our porch (we had porch swing!). Basically this is what I have learned- I do not have to live in Los Angeles. Yea, I missed some of the people and some of my friends and I missed mosaic, but for the most part, I wasn’t really looking forward to leaving and going back to LA. I had missed the woods and open spaces and dark nights where you can actually see the stars and no traffic. It was all very comforting. As much as I can’t really fathom right now moving from LA, because honestly that is where all my contacts and jobs are currently, I could totally see myself spending less and less time there. It’s always a struggle because I would like to be based out of LA still...which is I guess an expensive thing to do cause like, rent….but the closer I get to getting my days for the DGA, I’ll have to start growing my contacts out of town to get 3rd area days and being outside of southern california is just that. 

Anyway, I know this has been a super long update and I don’t expect anyone to read it or have made it this far, I am really just keeping myself occupied on this flight and using this word document as a way to process and vocalize some of my recent thoughts. As I mentioned before I am heading back to LA to start another job, which starts prep on Friday and then we start filming Monday the 10th. It’s for a new tv show that will be a half hour comedy and we will be filming until November 20th and supposedly there will be 3 hiatus weeks spread throughout, which is really cool!! (*see previous comment about me already planning another trip in a couple months, haha) I’ll be running base camp again which is what I was actually just talking with Aaron about when I was in Louisiana how I would like to run base camp again for a show and then low and behold a couple days later I got a text to run base for this show, haha. I really like the second AD that texted me and turns out I know the 2nd 2nd as well and I really like him too so, it should be a good show. Anyway, so that’s what I’ll be up to the next few months. Thanks for taking the time to keep up with me and see what’s going on in my world. Hope everyone else has a great rest of their week. 

And Before You Know It, It'll All Be Over

Wow. I can't believe I haven't made a post since last November. I've wanted to multiple times but I just didn't know what to write about....but here I am all these months later, a new continent traveled to, and almost finished a whole season of working on a new show.

I've been working on this show since I got back from South America in mid-March. I know this may seem odd to all you folks who work normal jobs, but this will have been the longest job I have had since moving to LA and working in the film industry. If you weren't positive, what i'm doing on this show is running base camp, which basically means i'm the direction giver of cast before they get to set and then do some paperwork and other behind the scenes logistics when they are on set. I was a little curious/nervous at first at how it would go since I hadn't run base before for a series, but as it turns out, I think it may be my favorite PA position....but I guess it all really depends on who you're working with and the cast of our show is a dream to work with, and our hair, make up and wardrobe gals are just great as well. (as is our AD staff and other PAs)

The show I am on is 10 episodes, filming 2 episodes at a time, and Friday was our last day on episodes 107 and 108. Before we wrapped for the day i was dropping off paperwork to the hair and makeup trailer and our makeup head remarked 'Amy, we are almost done! Are you sad??' ...of course my first thought was, 'for the night or for the season??' haha (Friday ended up being a 16 hour day for me, so I was happy to hopefully be wrapping soon, ha) But then it hit me, we only have 10 more shoot days left on this series. It seems like we have been going at it for a while, but at the same time it seems like just yesterday we were doing our hair and makeup and camera tests during my prep week. Before I know it we will be on our last day and wrapped for the season! Which is kinda crazy because when you work the hours we do, you just spend so much time with all the crew and cast and get into your routines and get to know everyone and it's weird to think it being over...and then potentially never working with these guys again! (I mean, fingers crossed for a season 2! haha)

Anyway, I just say all this to write I can't believe how fast time flies the older you get. One day your gonna look up and a year has gone by, and then 10 years or 20. Adults can spend so much time thinking about and worrying about their jobs that time can slip by without them even noticing years have gone by, and I hope they never look back on those years and wonder what they did with them. In my travels I have learned that Americans work a whole heck of a lot more than a lot of other countries and I just hope not all of us turn into the one's that spend our lives working without acknowledging what the rest of the world has to offer. Friday I got texted to run base camp for another show starting June 1st running through the whole month. At first I was a little sad I had to turn it down because that is right when I will be flying to Florida then Europe...but then I thought how stupid of a thought that was. Traveling is something I really love to do. I work to travel. And what good is working if I don't use the money i've been saving to travel? Hopefully new jobs will always come up, but i'm not gonna let my years slip by without me making them great. Traveling the world and doing fun things with my friends. Don't get me wrong, I have been making great and awesome memories and connections I hope to have forever on these jobs i've been working on, but there are also so many stories and memories to be had outside of Los Angeles and America and i'm really looking forward to those as well!

Don't be afraid to do something that makes you happy. Go on an adventure. Take a few days off work. Travel to a new country. Make a new friend. Go to the roller derby. Remember that this life is what you make it, but it's movin pretty fast!

If My Family Made A Movie

I've been meaning to update this here site for a while...because it isn't like there isn't anything I couldn't talk about. I've worked as an assistant director on my first movie, I went on a Pacific Northwest trip my grandparents, I've been working as a day player on different shows for the past month; things have been happening. I realized though, that all of these things are things I tend to blog/talk about a lot, so why not switch it up a bit!

Sometimes my job can be boring, and while I was on a show last week our greensman got walkied to bring in some plants to place around the outside of the set, I said to myself, a handful of people in my family could do that job! Then it got me thinking, I have a huge family and we could do a lot more jobs than just that! So I took out my sides and wrote down everyones name on the back and tried to think if our family was crew for a movie, how would it all break down? Now, i'm not saying if everyone in the family started working on sets this should be their job, since obviously I had jobs that just needed to be filled, but it was kind of interesting trying to figure out where I should put everyone.

So a call sheet tells you what all you are shooting for the day. On the back of the call sheet is everyone's names listed that are working that day and what time their call time is. Here is a picture of a call sheet for a show I was working on a couple months ago, just so you can get a sense of what exactly we are working with here.

Now, I personally don't have any call sheet template on me at the moment, however I did have to do the production reports for my last movie and the back has pretty much the same concept, so I used that to kind of create our own little call sheet for this fake movie our family would crew up. So take a look at our call sheet! 

Now before I go, i'll give a little summery of the jobs everyone has in case anyone was curious and didn't know. 

Director: the person with the vision of what we are shooting. Directs the actors and decided on what all shots she/he wants. 

AD (Assistant Director): The 1st AD runs the set, the 2nd AD is in charge of everything that is happenings the next day...so making call sheets for the next day. On this set, the second would also be in charge of getting the actors through hair and makeup. The 2nd 2nd is the other AD on set assisting the first in getting the actors to set, getting wired for sound, and also placing background. PA's are also included under the ADs in assisting the second second. 

Script Supervisor: They are in charge of continuity. Writing down anything that happens in a scene (which hand an actress was holding her purse in, for example) and also noting which shots we are shooting, which the director likes the best, and giving those notes to the editor. 

DP (Director of Photography) They are pretty much the head of the camera, grip, and electric department. They are in charge of making sure everything in front of the camera looks good and getting the shots/angles the director wants. 

1st AC (assistant camera): The 1st AC is the focus puller...they make sure the subject matter is always in focus and not blurry. 

2nd AC: They assist camera doing the heavy lifting/lens transportation/cabling for camera...as well as being in charge of the slate to note which scene and take we are on. 

Still Photographer: The are the on set photographers to take pics of not only behind the scenes but what you may end up seeing on a movie poster. 

Gaffer: They are in charge of the lighting/electric department, making sure the set is lit properly. 

Best Boy/electric: Best boy is just a term for second in command. Everyone else in the lighting (also refereed to as electric department) is in charge of making sure there is power and setting up the lights needed to light the shot.

Key Grip: In charge of the grip department. The grips also help light scenes, but by manipulating the lights; canceling out light in some places with flags and other forms of shade. 

Prop Master: Any item that an actor uses in a scene is a prop. The property department is in charge of making sure all of those items are on set. 

Most of the rest of these are kinda self explanatory, but i'll mention them anyway. 

Sound: The sound mixer stays at his mixing station, recording all the dialogue, while the boom operator is on set capturing more sound with a boom mic. 

Costumes: This department is in charge of picking out and dressing the talent and background. 

Make-Up and Hair: Known as vanities, they are in charge of hair and make-up for talent. 

Production Designer: They are in charge of creating what the set will look like. 

Set Decorating: Set dec is the art department representative on set making sure that even though the set is already built, if anyone needs to move anything or add anything, they are there to do so. 

Construction: The coordinator is in charge of building the sets the designer has come up with. 

Craft Service: They are responsible for providing food throughout the day during filming. Craft service doesn't necessarily provide meals, (although they sometimes do) but they keep a constant food table available for crew to snack on all day.

Catering: Catering is in charge of providing breakfast and lunch for the crew at the beginning and middle of the day. 

Post Production: Everything that happens to the movie after the crew is done actually filming it. This includes editing it, adding sound effects, etc.

Locations: The location department is in charge of finding filming locations to film at, getting the correct permits, and the liaison between where a crew in filming and the film crew. 

Transportation: The transpo department is in charge of any and all vehicles involved in production, including all of the trailers for the actors, trucks for all the crew, and pass vans when needed to transport crew if needed. 

Well that's all folks!! This is a small little call sheet I created for a would be family project and I have given the most sparknotes version of these jobs/how a set is kinda run, haha. So now you can kinda imagine what it's like for me everyday on a set and how many different people you interact with! 

Year number 2

I am sitting here on my bed responding to texts from ADs about my availability....as I came on here to update about how crazy and fortunate my life has been. Yesterday I got 2 phone calls and a text to work (2 for work for today and 1 for when I will be on my cruise) Earlier this week I already had to turn down 2 jobs for when I will be in Florida and it is kinda blowing my mind right now. As I am blogging I am just now being booked to day play tomorrow and Thursday before I head out to Florida on Friday. Right before that I got a text if I was available the 17th-21st to work on a pilot...I get back from Florida the 16th. I'm not sure why or when this happened, but for some reason it seems a little unexpected to me, although I don't think it should.

This week marks my 2 year anniversary of when I pulled out of Florida not knowing a soul in LA and seeing what I could do and make of myself here. Not to sound too dramatic, but it has been the best decision of my life i'm pretty sure. While coming on here I noticed I have only updated 2 times this year, which is a pretty solid measurement I guess for how busy i've been. I know my last update was because I was being background, but that was when I had a free week between PA jobs. I like to think of my success based on how often I do background work, and I think my last update was also the last time I was background. I've got to say, I haven't done much background work this year (only when I have a few days off between other jobs) and that makes me happy. I know this update might seem boring for the reader, mainly me just boasting about work, but it is for me too (mainly) It's good to acknowledge your accomplishments every now and again and to be proud of yourself. To be able to look back at this post and this time and be able to say 'yea, I was working hard and meeting new people and working on all these cool, fun, boring, stupid, hilarious projects, those were good times.'

Working in the film industry is such a weird and cool thing. Yesterday I was day playing on a show, and by the end of the day it seemed like i had been working on it with the crew the whole time (a week, haha) You are together with these people for 12+ hours a day...and when your on a movie at least 12+ hours 5, sometimes 6 days a week, that it becomes this weird closeness you get with people. Last night we had to be shuttled back to our cars, our pass van was completely full...4 people in my 3 man row, our sound girl on the floor in front of me (I never said we were the safest of folk) and this isn't anything out of the ordinary for me. Of course we are going to pack like sardines into a pass van with each other, it's what you do. Going on set yesterday I also got to work with one of my favorite scripty's I worked with over a year ago on another project...I have worked 4 movies with the make-up girl. The industry really is smaller than you think and sometimes even turn into your family (if only for the duration of the shoot, but sometimes it's better that way, haha)

I don't mean to bore, but I just wanted to take a minute to update again, to acknowledge what these 2 years have brought. I KNOW you've seen on Facebook, so sorry, but this weekend i was able to hang out with my roommates and friends, going to the Dodger game, watching A League of Their Own at the stadium, volunteering at a center that reaches out to the homeless, worshipping at Mosaic, biking to the community pool. This is what a full life is. What MY full life is. It is having friends around you that you enjoy, being able to go to a church every Sunday and feel full again, having a smile on your face when you are squeezed between 2 people in a pass van on your way back to your car after work because the people you work with make you laugh. Every time I see my family posting pictures on facebook together and hanging out, I miss them and wish I could be there more often, but the life i've been able to make here, I wouldn't change a thing. It's the life I had hoped for merely 2 years ago and for that I am proud.

That being said, I am so so excited and can't wait to see and hang out with the family in 4 days. i love you guys and miss you mucho.

What happens when I finish a book at work and have nothing else to do

I am currently working background right now on Bones, just finished the book I’ve been reading and have nothing left to do. I got here at 11:30...it is currently 6:30 and I have been on set for maaaybe 20 minutes of my day. Since I have already watched a movie (Her) and finished the book I brought, I figured I could write a blog post since I haven’t written in a while. Not quite sure what to say, since I always just end up on soapboxes, talking about my boring schedule, or topics that make people uncomfortable.

I guess I could say though, do you ever read a book and then are not quite sure how to feel when it’s over? That’s where I’m at. Like I want to talk about it but I don’t even know what to say. The book I just finished is entitled Ask The Passengers. It made me angry, it made me laugh, it made me sad, it made me happy. It made me wish the world was different and that I could comfort and yell at every high school student. My high school days were pretty good if I remember, but sometimes I don’t think society gives high school kids enough credit or sympathy….or sometimes maybe they do, too much.? Anyway, in the book the main character girl mainly has a rough time. I could sympathize with her a lot, but then again, her home life was a little saddening. It took me back to the small town where everyone needs to be perfect and reputation is everything. Where high school kids could be such jerks and people are so small minded and ignorant. She comes home to a home where her mom only sees perfection in her sister, so she is basically always ignored or thought down of by half of her family. She struggles with and is accused of things and doesn’t even feel like she can talk to her family about it, that they won’t listen...and it was partially true. Even when she spoke her truth they still wouldn’t listen or understand. That is painful to read and witness...even if only in a fictional world, because I know it happens. 

Although I was never really one to spill my guts to people, it was still good to know that I probably could and I had (have) people/family that will listen and love me. Although at the end of the book it does leave us on an optimistic note and all is (somewhat) good. But what made me frustrated was society. When because of society humans think we need to act, present, and label ourselves a certain way, it can invade our homes and schools and leave kids no place to escape the pressure. Pressure that is not even needed in the first place. 

The main character has to do a Socrates project, to choose a paradox, to explain it and challenge the rest of the school with it. Her first draft was equality is obvious. Which it is...which is should be, but it isn’t. We are no where near reaching human equality in the world. Why? Why do humans still feel the need to limit others worth, just because they are different. Dumb. Anyway, as life happened, our main character changed her project topic and paradox...nobody’s perfect. Everyone is obsessed with being perfect, but why? Is there anything in the world that is perfect? Or is just everything perfect? If so, why the need to strive for perfection. Can there even be a universal perfection? What is it then? Mentally, aesthetically, socially? Which of the 3 takes top billing? Perfection is just a word we made up...but for what? To make us feel worse or better about ourselves? To give us something to strive for? Whatever it is or whatever the reason, it’s dumb. 

I just write this post to say…..well, I already said it. I didn’t really know where I was headed when I started, but I guess I ended up here. Still trying not to get upset and aggravated that this book reminded me that society is annoying. How vague was this whole post? Haha. It may just make sense to me since I am referencing a book none of you have read, but oh well. I’ll be done now. Peace.  

Who is shaping your worldview?

So many topics, so little interest.

I haven't blogged in a while, and it's not because there haven't been things I wanted to say, but because they are just basic feelings that I have written about before, and i'm sure would be old news to anyone who has read my blog before. But since I am not working today and haven't blogged in a while, I thought I could tone down some topics i've wanted to write about, and write one blog centering around a handful of them. The common theme: role models.

I saw this post on a website a few months ago, I took a screen shot of it and wanted to write a blog post then, but I thought it could fit nicely here in this one. For those who wouldn't recognize, it is an excerpt from The Hunger Games Trilogy. No one would be surprised about my love for Katniss Everdeen. I think she is a great character and one that is needed for girls who are growing up now a days. Even at the age of 5, little kids are shown by Disney princess movies that the point of being born is to be eventually saved or loved by a prince charming...and I guess that is fine and well for some people, but it makes life unfair for about almost everyone in that representation of what life is about. Sure, there are some Disney movies that don't have this theme, and God bless Frozen (for which I ALMOST got real mad at there 3/4 of the way through, haha) but the point that the media more often than not gets across is, that no matter what females do there always need to be a prince charming that comes at the end of the day to make the story perfect, and why does that always need to be so? Here is Katniss Everdeen, strong, independent, looks out for herself and takes cares of others. What a great role model presented. That she doesn't need anyone to rescue her, that young woman are strong enough on our own to take care of ourselves. That it's ok to want to go out and run around in the woods instead of dress up and be put on display by the media. That nothing is wrong with us wanting our alone time. All of these things should be normal and accepted too.

As much as i'm glad for the character of Katniss, i'm glad that Jennifer Lawrence was chosen to bring her to life, because not only does she do that, but as a person she also, I feel, challenges the media on what they put out and present to young girls as how they should be and grow up. For that reason, I in some way look up to or respect Katniss and also my BFF JLaw.

Another person that I have recently come to love is Kacey Musgraves. In a world where so many expectations are placed on people, she calls the world out and basically says BS. Good for her. In her song, Merry Go Round, the opening line is: "If you ain't got 2 kids by 21, you're probably gonna die alone, at least that's what tradition told you." The whole song is about how we were told life should go: grow up, get married, have 2.5 kids, live in cookie cutter houses in a subdivision just like everybody else. I'm not saying this isn't a good life and you can't grow up this way (if you want to, more power to ya), but I appreciate that it is being acknowledged that that is how tradition tells you to make a life, and maybe it isn't all it's cracked up to be. And kind of to push that whole theme along she has her song Follow Your Arrow, basically saying, there are people that still think that is how you make a life ^, but if that is how you DO make your life, people will still judge you, so just do your thing and not worry about what other people think of you. If you're fat, people will judge you, if you're skinny, people will judge you; if you drink, people will judge you, if you don't drink, people will judge you; if you go to church, people will judge you, if you don't go to church, people will judge you, you get where she is going with this? (Our society sucks) BUT, we don't have to care about people judging us, YOU JUST DO YOU, GIRL. Whatever makes you happy, do that, because life is to short to be anything but happy. (I maybe could have read that quote somewhere and am possibly plagiarizing, but still a good point) Anyway, yet another person I think our society needs and I wouldn't hesitate recommending as a good role model for girls.

Someone that I really look up to is a blogger and author that goes by the name of Jen Hatmaker. I have blogged about her before, so I will make this one shorter, but if there are any adults out there that are still looking for some more good role models in their life, I would direct you to her. She seeks God and love so unapologetically (and is so hilarious also) that the world would change if there were a few more of her. She is how I strive to be when I grow up. Just recklessly loving the world and every human in it, not caring who is telling her to stop, and I find that the most inspiring thing of all, because when your heart is alined with Gods and you can't stop loving and showing love, everything else I have mentioned in this blog falls into place. I have never felt more free than I do in Christ, and that is kind of what it all is about. Screw what society says, how they think you should grow up, who they think needs to save you and how you need to act- the fullest and freest life i've known is when I accept and give it up to Jesus, because in the end that all that really matters.

I should have just ended this blog on that paragraph, but i wanted to add another little closing paragraph. I'm not gonna call myself a great a role model, because i'm not a perfect person and I'm nearly certain if I ever was a role model and the 'One Million Moms' brigade heard about it they would throw an uproar, but if I can't be (and mainly because I don't know many girls younger than me) I would at least hope that they could look up to these woman and know that they don't have to settle in this life. That they can go out there and do whatever they want, follow any dream they had. If they want to be a doctor I surely hope they won't let anyone stop them. Or a lawyer. Or a vet. Or a social worker. Or a singer. Or an activist. Or the President of the United States of America. I heard a song recently that was pretty much made for me at my point in life a few years ago. It got me thinking on the topic of giving advise to people and then who we look up to and possibly get advise or a life queue from. This entry has already been too long and taken a certain theme so I won't go into the song and experiences and advise I remembered from it (maybe next time) but all goes to say, we all have influences and people that help shape the way we view life...make sure you are aware of those people in your life and how they are influencing you to live your life, because they are influencing you and your worldview.

My faith is slowly being restored in churches and I hope they don't blow it.

I have been wanting to update the blog for at least a few weeks now. I had stop myself after watching an episode of a show I like where a character tried to commit suicide, I held my tongue so hard when the whole Duck Dynasty controversy was going on, but today I feel is an appropriate time to update. There are so many topics that I feel I hammer into the ground on here, and i'm sure i've already covered this, but here we go.

I guess I should start off by admitting that yes, I am a hypocrite, and maybe sometimes I am the problem for misconstrued views of the church, and for that i apologize.

Today I went to Church of Hope with my family, and Mark shared statistics he had found about Christianity and the church: every major world religion is growing except Christianity. In spite of the (i believe it was) 4 trillion dollars churches had spent, there wasn't significant movement towards Christ. It is abundantly clear that not only has christianity lost traction with some people, it has come to a screeching halt. A handful of Christians may be dumbfounded by these facts, however I am not and i'll take a minute to explain why.

There was a time in my life where I held some resentment towards God and the Church (I think i've blogged about this before so I will keep this short) There have been so many times where I felt unwanted and unloved by the Church, i'm sure it would sound embracing to mention. The week before last when I attended Hope my eyes misted up a little because why I was sitting there and watching all the people around me sing about love, not 24 hours before I saw them updating their Facebook status about how what I am is wrong and I shouldn't be treated equally. It made me mad that I had to sit in the same room with people that would sing about love, but only to a certain extent and to only certain people (I can only conclude, based on what I am reading of their updates) But enough about me, this post is about the church and trying to reach the lost. Anyway, my point is, as much as I hate to admit it, I feel and see myself in the unbeliever. Like I have one foot in the church and the other out the door. I see where the world is coming from and why church attendance has become so stagnant. It's partially because of people like me who hate admitting they go to church, furtherly showing that the church is filled with people you don't want to be around...but that isn't true. Not in all circumstances.

There are churches and christians around the world and around the United States that are doing truly great, new, and exciting things. For example where I go in LA, Mosaic. I love the living daylights out of that church and I will shout it from the rooftops. I won't expound because i've dedicated a whole post about them (said post) but it is a great place. Another christian that I think will change the face of Christianity is a woman/author/blogger named Jen Hatmaker. She is taking up the cross, seeking the truth, and laying it all out there, the defender of love. People start controversy about 2 people marrying, she says 'No. Love.' People get up in arms about politics, she says 'No. Love.' She see's the woman on the streets struggling to provide for her kids: love. The homeless man: love. Your annoying co-worker: love. Neighbor that has 2 sleeves (of tattoos): love. To me, she gets it. She absolutely knows that the whole world in looking at Christians and how they react to certain situations, and she chooses love. (If you would like, check out her awesome blog here) Today my old roommate in college posted a link to an article about the church she is attending, talking about how the church is becoming an inclusive and reconciling congregation. Included in the article is the associate pastor's greeting:

“No matter where you have come from 
and no matter where you are going...
No matter what you believe or doubt...
No matter what you are feeling or just

not feeling...

No matter what you have or don't have...

And no matter whom you love...

All of you is welcomed into this 

community of faith

by a God who loves you,

who knows you by name, and

who wants a personal relationship with you.
Thanks be to God - Amen!” 

It was really a good article. Some people and some churches have realized that they have, in the past, isolated and even pushed away some non believers or people from other walks of life. I kinda find it great that they call it reconciling...that they have a reconciling committee. I think it's time for the church and the world to have one big reconciliation. I know so many people have felt like they have been burned by the church. The church has hurt them in some way. Something happened that made them jaded. They met one too many unloving, judgmental Christians and it turned them off from church and Christianity all together. BUT THERE IS HOPE. There are people that are bringing back love to the world and showing that christianity isn't about their personal beliefs about how you should dictate your life and laws you need to follow and what you can't do....that it's about God's love and receiving that love through Jesus. That we were literally created to be loved by God. That EVERYONE was created to be loved by God. Not who the Christians think deserve to be loved by God, not the perfect ones, not the do-gooders and sinless, but everyone. I appreciate that this is something that Mark mentioned at Church of Hope this morning, love. It really isn't our job to take a stance on an issue and determine how holy or worthy someone is based on that stance. More and more churches and christians I believe are starting to see and understand how they ostracize people when they put them on a pedestal to shame them. Its happened before and it will most certainly happen again, the next controversy christians vs. the liberal God hating world, but when Christians and churches can take a back seat to being "right" and caring that they have had their "rights" taken, and instead at least pretend that everyone they look down upon has actual human feelings too and create an environment where the world might want to be, then maybe, just maybe, we might start to see the numbers of Christian popularity going up and the number of churches closing going down. God knows we have a long way to go with gaining back that trust and respect from the rest of the world, but I have faith that these churches and people will lead the way and i'm excited for their message the take hold, because at least as far as my knowledge in LA, while statistics show more churches closing that starting, Mosaic is adding new service after new service because of growth and nothing could make me happier. Here's to a reconciling 2014! 

Love you guys. 

But is it only happening in The Hunger Games?

This past Wednesday night I finally was able to see Catching Fire. I have read all the books in the Hunger Games trilogy, collectively being one of my all time favorite books (and Catching Fire even most specifically) so I was excited to watch. I had asked someone if they wanted to join and they were a little hesitant to respond because the whole concept of the movies is just kind of terrible...kids killing kids. Understandable, but that is kinda what the whole series is about....how terrible it and this society is. The thing that scares me though, is how far off are we as a society from what we see in the Hunger Games?

As I was watching the movie, parts of it made me mad. Not the movie itself, but the government, the people in charge, the media. I was angry that there was a (made up I know) world where these things happen. But the thing is, if you look at our society, there are a scary amount of comparisons.

You have this world where it is controlled by the capitol and the media, and they choose the things that the rest of the world can see. The media turns killings into a game for entertainment at the expense of everyone who isn't part of the elite. Maybe our media isn't exactly broadcasting killing for entertainment, but maybe it sometime is. We put everything and everyone we see on television on a pedestal. People starve themselves to look the way they see people portrayed in the media. The media thrives off of exploiting celebrities lives because people want to watch. Kids pick what is cool by what they see on a screen, and if another kid doesn't embody that, they get picked on. People commit suicide because they don't think they measure up. The media feeds us so many lies and shows us so much crap and a false representation of the world, sometimes it scares me to think we are turning into the capitol.

At the capitol they have people that are power hungry, that will do anything to get ahead/stay on top and prove their power. The government doesn't care about the people at all. They abuse them. They don't look out for their best interests. It's all about social class and inequality. They don't care that people in the districts are living in poverty while they drink drinks to make them less full so they can eat more. Please tell me our elected officials don't also try to cater to the wealthy and the ones that can give them power. Please tell me our government doesn't treat certain social classes and walks of life unequally. Certainly our government doesn't stoop so low as to hobnobbing with the wealthy to make deals to make themselves look better and keep them in control.

Listen, i'm not trying to say we live in Panem, but the idea for the books had to be drawn from somewhere, and i'm thinking it looks like an exaggerated version of the world we live in. Unfortunately we DO have people starving and living in poverty. There ARE kids being shipped off to go fight against their will. There ARE people being abused by their government. And maybe it isn't all happening in America, but it is happening. This world can be a scary place, I just hope that the media doesn't turn themselves into the Capitol, although it keeps looking more and more like that with every anorexic girl shown and every call of duty bought. We are becoming numb to death and to reality and to the things that actually matter in this life. You have people trampling over each other to get 60% off a television and it is turning quite literally into the hunger games. Here's to hoping Panem stays solely a fictional place in a book series i love.

I'm sorry, but can you please not say that?

"I see the destruction those lifestyles lead to, and my heart breaks for them."

This isn't the first time I have heard or read that sentiment about someone being gay. I'm sorry, but since when did having a whole and full life and being gay become mutually exclusive? Some people of religious faith say these things all the time when this subject comes up.....'you wouldn't be living life to the fullest and living the life God would want you to lead.' This is absurd to me. This is something that has been said to me, and I would like to take a minute to kindly educate you that people who say this should probably STFU (what's the nicest way to say that?)

Correct me if i'm wrong, but I would say the type of lifestyles that lead to what I would believe to be destruction would be one of a drug addict, someone who can't forgive or let go of the past, people struggling from other addictions and anger management problems. It could just be me (which maybe it is) but I don't see why people still feel the need to put energy into arguing or try to change people from the gay "destructive lifestyle" when there are people that are going through actual life threatening/altering situations.

Is my lifestyle and who I am attracted to really that much of a destruction? Is the fact that I treat people equally and give love and compassion as much as I can that much of a detriment to society and myself? Does it hinder your own livelihood that I work hard at my job, try to further my career and grow my friendships? Does it make the other religious folk feel uncomfortable or frightened if I am someone who seeks to follow after the Lord, basks in all His love, shares it as much as I can and be gay?

Please don't let your heart break for me, and if it does I will pick it up and mend it back together with the love that Jesus has for both of us. If your heart breaks, let it break for the orphans, the homeless, the addicts, the unloved, the depressed, not the one's who just so happen to not be attracted to the gender that you deem appropriate.

You know what, I am going to live my life to the fullest. I am going to travel. I am going to be successful in my career. I am going to be happy. I am going to have great friends. I am going to serve the less fortunate. I am going to show love. I am going to receive love. And I don't ever for a second want anyone to think that I can't have a lifestyle worth being proud of. I know that some people may think that I am less of because I don't dream to walk down the aisle to Mr...whoever, but your opinion should no longer shape the way I or other people view themselves.

And as a not so side note, it is completely normal that everyone is always congratulating these unmarried 19 year olds getting pregnant but 2 girlfriends that have been dating for years get married and don't get the same amount of congratulations? These are actual things that I am currently seeing on my Facebook timeline. The same people that 'like' the posts that abhor homosexuality are also seen 'liking' the picture of a barely grown kid's pregnant stomach...all while they either have a kid that does drugs, smokes weed, or has premarital sex or does it themself. I'm not about pointing fingers and you can do whatever with your own life that you want, but when people make outrageous double standards, as you might can tell, it just gets under my skin.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts of the week. I know we might not agree, but hopefully it stretched your minds a little bit if not.