I have to just be me

Feeling in a weird mood tonight. I haven't blogged in a while and needed to vent a bit, so I thought I could come on here and post a quote that is relatable that I got reacquainted with tonight. "I want you to know me, who I really am.

 I've tried so hard to push this feeling away and keep it locked inside but everyday just feels like a war. That I walk around so mad at the world but i'm really just fighting with myself…i don't want to fight anymore. i'm just too tired. I have to just be me."

 This whole quote and the whole scene it goes with...it kills me.

 "Everyone has secrets, they are called secrets for a reason."

 I know I should stop typing now, even though it is doubtful that anyone will read this, but it's hard. No one wants to go around living a lie, hiding what you feel to try to not upset and let down other people. People grow up and find themselves. Realize what makes them happy, what makes them want to get up in the morning and excited about something. My question is, what is the point where you sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of your loved ones? What if what makes you smile also makes your family frown? These situations are mostly lose/lose and what have caused many depressing nights when the thought won't wonder from my mind.

 Anyway, just food for thought for the night.

Slow and Steady

Well, after either publishing or uploading this video pretty much all day, the documentary is now up live on youtube. I can't even believe I am even posting this on here....well, one because it can be awfully boring with my face just talking to the camera for a majority of it. And then also because well...it is just embarrassing, for me. I have watched this video and clips of it so much (and vow to never watch it again) that I almost forget what all I edited out, but now that it is done and out there, the thought of people watching it kinda makes me feel vulnerable. I mean, I know it is really long (41 minutes to be exact) so you will either have to be really bored or be really curious enough about my life/semester to sit through the whole thing. But I guess in the art of it all I forgot I was going to let people watch it...to have them hear and see what I was up to...and some of those times it was really pathetic. Either way, it is done and finished and you can watch it if you like. It is nothing special so I won't take it personally if you skip around or don't watch it all. haha. :) Anyway, I present to you, Slow and Steady:

Update: So I am just now actually watching part of this video and apparently youtube or someone has messed with the video like, zooming in at random times and making all the words on the bottom jump around and act weird so, uh...that wasn't me, not sure what in the world is up with that. :/