I Keep Waiting

It's true. Things always come to me when i'm in the shower, and this was tonight's thought of the moment. ...I guess it happens because for once in my day I'm forced to just be still without music, without my computer, without the tv, without anyone or anything for a distraction. Just me. And my head. Thinking.

About. The future. 

The thing is, I keep waiting for something to happen. I don't even know what, but something; a person, an e-mail, a contact, a job posting. I was talking to a new hire at work today (Patrick) and it has never been more clear that I have no idea where my life is heading. Even for this summer. I don't really want to spend another wasted summer in Ocala where I didn't do much last summer and couldn't even get a job. I can't really stay in Nashville because I don't have a place to live and even if I found one it would be pointless because all the money I would be making at Tasti would pay for rent and food...defeating the purpose of having a summer job to save up for Belmont. Earlier in this life time I thought i wanted to find a summer job at CoolWorks. It. would. be. awesome. I think. I really think it would be...but yet, I haven't applied anywhere and for some reason I find myself stalling, thinking something else is just going to magically appear in my lap, because IT WON'T. Again, just waiting. 

And what about this time next year when the time actually comes, the moment I have been waiting for ever since I thought i realized what I wanted to do, graduation and finding an actual job. I have always said I can't wait to just graduate and start my career, but what the heck, I don't know what i'm gonna do. I've had all these sudden changes in my thought process about careers. What i've always wanted to do for some reason seems so far out of reach, and I don't even know why...well, I kinda do. And now that I have come to this realization that i have no idea how to achieve this dream I once had, I am thinking of things I might want to do with my life, other cool jobs I could pursue. ...all, very inconveniently, in LA or outside of Nashville and nor would I know in the slightest where to start there either. So I just wait. Wait hoping that one of these days I will read somewhere the step by step guide on how to get a job in the entertainment industry, find a helpful connection or stumble upon someone's e-mail address. ...but until then, I just wait. Wait around and think about how the future could be or how I might want it to end up, but you know, it won't end up anyway how I might have thought or planned if all I do is sit around and daydream and wait for an opportunity to arise...because I need to MAKE that opportunity arise. 

Well, those were just my shower thoughts for the night tonight. And of course I have my first major test in business law tomorrow that I should have been studying for instead of writing my ramblings but, again, who can study while all you do is sit around and wait and think of how little you have a game plan for the future, haha. ;) But, I digress, and this is test 1 of 2 so, I really should get a good grade on it. The whole class grade will be based upon a midterm, final exam, and case evaluation...lets get to studyin!! Anyway, I think I just really needed to get that out so it wouldn't keep swirling round and round in my head...gotta make room for some business law! 

Well, here's hoping I can figure things out...and that I don't fail this test!

Until next time...

Update:
This song and her intro to it are so relate able,  I just hope that I am not playing this song this time next year...but in all honesty, I probably will be...haha.

Well I Fail

Ok, ok, even though no one knows about this or reads it, this still has turned out to be something I didn't think it would be, haha. Even though I never update, when I do, it has become about my life, which wasn't entirely my intentions when starting this here blog. But, since my life has been so hectic as of late, I really don't feel like putting any energy into thinking of something to write about, so i just end up writing about my life. So here it goes:

I guess its been a week and a half and as it turns out, I am again blogging at Borman since I don't know what else to do. In all honesty, this internship isn't all that I thought it was going to be. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to be here and have met some really nice people and made some good connections, but I don't really do much, which can get kinda boring, but oh well, I digress...and apparently use run-on sentences a lot. oh well. And, after going back and rereading what I have wrote so far, realized I also use the same words a lot, I need to expand my vocabulary...but i'm sure that would involve reading, which I am not privy to (ah, but alas, see, i used the word privy...and alas! so I am already on the right track!) Anyway, I prooobably shouldn't be updating this here so, I guess I will go around and see if anyone has anything for me (my guess is not) but it can't hurt to ask. Well, here till 4:30 then work 5 close...

Until next time...(or I get bored in a few minutes or couple of hours and come back on to update this post)

UPDATE:
Well, here I am manning the phones once again. Courtney will be out for about an hour and fifteen. I always dread this part of the day, but then again, it is the only time that I actually do anything and feel useful here so, how ironic, right? haha. I mean, I wouldn't mind it, it is just that I don't like talking on the phone and directing them to the people here. I guess it has gotten a lot better now that I know how to use the phones better and know everyone a little more so it isn't as scary, but down inside I still pray every time I sit down that no one calls. I know this is a very unlikely thing but, a girl can dream, right? haha. Well, I guess I can get back to...well nothing. But, I thought I could come on here and update again since I changed locations...kinda. Front desk, woo! AH PHONE! ok, no worries that was a costume designer looking for faith hill, haha...but in return I got his info to pass along for Keith and Alison. oh man. haha. Aaalrighty. I'm done. Sorry.

UPDATE NUMERO DOS:
Ok, just got another call and of course I told someone Daniel wasn't here when in fact he is...dang it. I feel like a loser. But, he said he would call him on his cell sooo, good thing the guy will probably tell him the idiot at the front desk said he was gone, haha. Oh well. BACK TO IT.

UPDATE TAKE THREE:
I am pretty sure I did not use the word privy correctly or in the right context. Oh well.

I'm Out Here On My Night Train

Well, if my calculations are correct, its been over a week since my last post...mainly because i've been awfully busy with work, school, and interning. Anyway, I am however interning right now but, no one has anything for me so I figured I might as well update. What I have been thinking kind of a lot lately is about the future. The immediate future, the long term future...just thinking.

What are these thoughts you ask? I thought you knew you wanted to work on a tour? ...and I still do, I just don't know...if it will work out. So here are my thoughts: I've been wondering recently about other jobs in the business I might like to do. I've also always wanted to be in the tv/movie industry somehow (this was my original goal before I become over obsessed with music) so I was thinking it might be cool to be a music supervisor for a tv show or movie...you know, the person that picks out the music and whatnot? Anyway, then I just thought, maybe I could just work for a tv or movie company anyway and not have it deal with music. But then again, I am attending the very expensive Belmont for music business, so i feel it might be a waste with my music business degree (hopefully) and all my internships to try to jump into the tv or music scene. One more potential problem: location. For me to be in that biz I would have to relocate to California probably, I don't know if I would want to do that. Another thing I have been thinking about is the singer/songwriter scene. When I decided I wanted to get in the music business I was obsessed with country and wanted to be in the whole country side of things, but now I don't really listen to country all that much and kinda want to get plugged in with the singer/songwritters...that again having a huge hub in LA I think. Oh quandry's, haha.

So anyway, I will stop there because I don't want to make this too long, but those are my thoughts as of late. ...oh gosh, but I didn't even go into my quandry's about summer...which i have no idea what I should do there as well. I kinda want to get a job with CoolWorks at some national park maybe in Minnesota or Washington or somewhere but, who knows. Hopefully I will figure it all out relatively soon. (if not only my summer plans, haha)

Till next time...

i'm doin' good at updating

Well, even though no one knows about this ir reads it, I am still not doing that hot of a job updating it. Although I said I wasn't going to comment too much on my life and make this a diary, I really have nothing else to write about so, here I go, haha. I am just sittin' on the couch anxiously awaiting the return of Grey's Anatomy after they have been gone for THREE WEEKS, how rude! (said in Stephanie Tanner voice obviously) Anywho, right now Man v. Food is on...for like, the 4th episode in a row, i'm sure Sarah is enjoying it, hahaha. aaanyway, um, I have nothing but I felt like i needed to update, 1, because I haven't done it in a while, and 2, because I am bored and have nothing else to dooo. Alrighty, that was quick, I am done, and now it's time for a cookie. :)