I Keep Waiting

It's true. Things always come to me when i'm in the shower, and this was tonight's thought of the moment. ...I guess it happens because for once in my day I'm forced to just be still without music, without my computer, without the tv, without anyone or anything for a distraction. Just me. And my head. Thinking.

About. The future. 

The thing is, I keep waiting for something to happen. I don't even know what, but something; a person, an e-mail, a contact, a job posting. I was talking to a new hire at work today (Patrick) and it has never been more clear that I have no idea where my life is heading. Even for this summer. I don't really want to spend another wasted summer in Ocala where I didn't do much last summer and couldn't even get a job. I can't really stay in Nashville because I don't have a place to live and even if I found one it would be pointless because all the money I would be making at Tasti would pay for rent and food...defeating the purpose of having a summer job to save up for Belmont. Earlier in this life time I thought i wanted to find a summer job at CoolWorks. It. would. be. awesome. I think. I really think it would be...but yet, I haven't applied anywhere and for some reason I find myself stalling, thinking something else is just going to magically appear in my lap, because IT WON'T. Again, just waiting. 

And what about this time next year when the time actually comes, the moment I have been waiting for ever since I thought i realized what I wanted to do, graduation and finding an actual job. I have always said I can't wait to just graduate and start my career, but what the heck, I don't know what i'm gonna do. I've had all these sudden changes in my thought process about careers. What i've always wanted to do for some reason seems so far out of reach, and I don't even know why...well, I kinda do. And now that I have come to this realization that i have no idea how to achieve this dream I once had, I am thinking of things I might want to do with my life, other cool jobs I could pursue. ...all, very inconveniently, in LA or outside of Nashville and nor would I know in the slightest where to start there either. So I just wait. Wait hoping that one of these days I will read somewhere the step by step guide on how to get a job in the entertainment industry, find a helpful connection or stumble upon someone's e-mail address. ...but until then, I just wait. Wait around and think about how the future could be or how I might want it to end up, but you know, it won't end up anyway how I might have thought or planned if all I do is sit around and daydream and wait for an opportunity to arise...because I need to MAKE that opportunity arise. 

Well, those were just my shower thoughts for the night tonight. And of course I have my first major test in business law tomorrow that I should have been studying for instead of writing my ramblings but, again, who can study while all you do is sit around and wait and think of how little you have a game plan for the future, haha. ;) But, I digress, and this is test 1 of 2 so, I really should get a good grade on it. The whole class grade will be based upon a midterm, final exam, and case evaluation...lets get to studyin!! Anyway, I think I just really needed to get that out so it wouldn't keep swirling round and round in my head...gotta make room for some business law! 

Well, here's hoping I can figure things out...and that I don't fail this test!

Until next time...

Update:
This song and her intro to it are so relate able,  I just hope that I am not playing this song this time next year...but in all honesty, I probably will be...haha.