Navigating Life

I wrote this on November 12th, the weekend after the election. I never posted it, obviously. I wrote it for myself mainly, so I could get all of that out, and I honestly think it really did help. Time has passed and I guess it seems silly to post it now, it all seems so far in the past and the feelings and things I and we have gotten over, but I also don't want to forget it. The feelings that made people act and not be complacent with life or the country, so that's why i'm posting it now instead of letting it sit in my draft folder for all of eternity. Maybe just maybe I'll come back on here one day and realize it was the best thing that could've happened. Maybe the world will fall apart and I can see where it all started.

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I've been having a lot of feelings recently and i'm not sure the best way to go about them. This week has been brutal. Today is my first day off in 13 days and honestly, with that paired with the election, it made for the most looked forward to weekend in while. So here I am, finally made it to the weekend, a time that I can rest and try to get over the happenings of the week, but they are still stuck on me. I can't escape the gloomyness of the election. Every time I go on any sort of social media it's all I see. It's all I could think about driving too and from work this week. I know everyone is tired of hearing about the election and the results and people's opinions on them, but i'm just hoping if I write this stuff down it'll help. This post is more for me than anyone else.

The truth is, I don't know how to see Trump supporters the same. I can't quite muster up the grace to even call my family. MY FAMILY. This is heartbreaking for me. I love them. But I am still not over it yet. I think I just need time. Or maybe I still haven't caught up on all my sleep, as I type this with tears starting to form in my eyes. I cried on my way to work both Wednesday and Thursday morning. Was I just so tired? Wednesday at work was the worst. I got there and was scared to even greet some people, knowing the outcome of the election. It is very real for a lot of people. Within 3 seconds of saying good morning to one of our actors that morning tears swelled up in her eyes and you could feel the heartbreak. The day didn't get much better from there. The over all tone/feel on set was....not good. Everyone was defeated and sad and sometimes it was hard to locate a smile unless we were rolling. Our caterer telling another guy how his 6 year old daughter is already under the impression Trump will kick them out of the country. Stories already emerging that day of truly racist actions coming out of schools. Kids making jokes about kicking fellow students out of school and out of the country. Swastika's being spray painted all over buildings or fences. Me having to wait another 30 minutes after we wrapped to sign someone out because they were crying. Because this election wasn't just about economic or health care policies, but about basic human rights that were threatened to be taken away.

I never cried because Trump is going to be our next President. My tears were for the state of this country. The heartbreak of so many. The one's who feel like their lives don't matter and their feelings, and quite frankly their human rights, were invalidated. My tears were because I don't know how to face some of the people I love. How can I be surrounded by people who turn a blind eye to all of the hateful, sexist, racist, things being done in Donald Trumps name? The unrest that is happening in this country, it's because of the hurtful things Trump has said about minorities and giving it a voice and a spreading ground for the sexist, racist, xenophobic, homophobic people that live here. Are all Trump supporters racist? Of course not. No no no. But I think it does show that it is easy for you to turn a blind eye on his sexual assault, gross sexism, the racism that clearly has been brought up, brought to light and not been condemned by him or his circle.  How does that not matter to you?

But, this is life and this is reality. In spite of it all people are rising up and making their voices heard. People are standing up for the injustice's of others and that is encouraging. People are standing up for the minorities that Trump is threatening and I can find that encouraging. This country can still rally together to do what is good, what is right, no matter who the President is. We can make this country even greatER when we realize it is not the president that shapes a nation, but the people in it that do. I think it's time. It's time we as a people decide what is important and shape the country that way instead of letting politics shape it for us. Here's to 2017.