Saint Ferdinand

I have made 133 blog posts on this website since 2011. 2011 I was a junior in college and I believe i mainly started this blog after having to start one for my third year writing class. Back in April when I rediscovered this here blog I had a great(?), interesting time going back and re-reading a lot of those blog entries. Boy did I have a lot to say (not really, haha). But it got me thinking....how the heck did I even come up with the ideas to write half the stuff I did!! For a small portion of time on this blog I would make posts about songs I was listening to at the time (it was fun going back and relistening to some of those blast from the past songs I had posted back in 2011.) Anyway, a new album came out recently that I have been listening to so I figured might as well bring the song posts back!! 

One artist that I am a fan of is Lauren Daigle. She is mainly a Christian artist but like others before her, she is dipping her toe into the secular world (to much disdain and criticism from the christian community of course- the least loving, accepting, and forgiving community i have ever seen. ...but back to Lauren!) Her voice has hints of Adele (who obviously I love and am obsessed with), Joss Stone, just a really soulful, beautiful voice. Her new album was released last month and it is self titled (though this is her third album) and is the most "her" album. 

My favourite song is entitled Saint Ferdinand. Not sure why I love it so much, but I keep just listening to it on repeat. I don't even know what (or who) Saint Ferdinand is to her, it makes me want to do a search to see if she has done an interview explaining what this song means to her and what Saint Ferdinand is. To me, this song really makes me feel/think about my relationship with (and mainly leaving) the church and experiencing life outside of it. I have spent a very very large chunk of my life in the church, to various levels, and seeing the good and the bad. Unfortunately, the bad just got worse and....sometimes, just for your own mental health, you have to walk away from something that is damaging you more than helping you. So to me, Saint Ferdinand is my journey in Los Angeles. 

Please take a listen and the video i'm posting is the lyric video so i'll leave those out of the post this time. I think I just want to highlight maybe a few lyrics to explain a little more why I feel the way I do about the song. (Other than maybe the obvious) 

'These streets may not look pretty but I see angels walking in the city' 

    -When I hear these lyrics, I think of the bad reputation Los Angeles (or even the secular world) has. Even just physically, LA can be a gross dirty place. But I have found so many good, genuine people out here. Literally angels in my life. The very community that the world (ok fine, republican conservatives mainly) keeps attacking have shown me so much love and joy and community and family that although they keep getting a bad rap and los angeles may be portrayed some sort of way, it is still filled with angels. 

'Maybe I loved you more than you loved me. Maybe life's got a way of bringing you to your knees'

    

    -Still again my relationship with the church. I loved it so much. I attended, i served. I gave it everything I had. They didn't love me back. Maybe too much noise from the Trump christians is all I heard, but that was enough. While I do feel the tides are s l o w l y changing with acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community, it isn't there and frankly, I don't really feel comfortable in church anymore after repeatedly hearing what they have to say about it. They done did break me and that is their fault. 

'Saint Ferdinand my wonderland wild and strange where vagabonds play. Saint Ferdinand not what I planned for my fate but i'm gonna stay'

    -If you would've told me when I was younger that I would be living in Los Angeles I would've been like.....'huh? Say what? Really?' I don't really even know what I envisioned for my older self when I was younger, but I can tell you I wouldn't bet that this is how my relationship with the christian community would go. This other community that i've found- wild and strange full of vagabonds, they ARE  my community. They love me better. They love me the best. 

I hope everyone was able to listen and love this song, even for not the same reason that I love it. And that's what makes music so great, it can make us all feel different things in different ways. I didn't really intend to go where I went when I started this post, and I guess I should apologize as I do know I still have a lot of people in my life in the church, but I just had to share my experience and maybe it can help you in your own christian journey being a little more understanding and welcoming to those outside of it. Most of the soap box i've been on is a post for another day, but I did want to add before ending this post that while my feelings toward the church and christians have soured, my faith and relationship with Christ is something I still hold dear and find comfort in. My hope is that one day (probably after i'm gone, if ever) we can all hold each other dear and love and respect each other even with our differences. Until then, Saint Ferdinand.